This [REDACTED] is [REDACTED] as [REDACTED]

THIS TRANSMISSION IS CLASSIFFIED;

THAT MEANS IF THIS IS LEAKED, BAD THINGS HAPPEN;

STOP LEAKING, ITS DANGEROUS IF THE PUBLIC FINDS OUT WHAT GOES ON IN THE WAR ROOM

STOP LEAKING, DAMN YOU!!

THIS TRANSMISSION IS CLASSIFIED

Location:  US State Department, Henry Kissinger Conference Room

“I know, I do, I P.  Me, Mike P on Iran.  That which is he, who is me.  You all got that?”  Secretary Pompeo declared.  “Iran is going to get a big steaming load of hot ass all over their Mohammadean chests, when I am done with them!”

“This has nothing to do with Iran.  Just because we called in the Joint Chiefs, doesn’t mean we are asking you to create a war, Mr. Secretary.”  Acting SecDef Patrick Shannahan replied.  “Certainly not one with Iran.”

“But I want to take a big shit on Iran!”  Pompeo sat down on the floor with his arms crossed.

“That’s not why we’re here.”

“This isn’t fair.  I want to shit on Iran.  I was promised I can go to war with Iran if I took this shit job, and damnit  I wanna war with Iran!”

The room fell silent enough to hear the collective eye rolls from the Joint Chiefs, and Bolton’s mustache furiously fapping upon a unlit cigarette.

“We need to brief the President on…another issue that has been making the rounds in the media.”  Shannahan explained. “Has anybody ever informed you of the DOD’s work with UFO’s?”

“Unidentified Flying Iranian-Objects?”

“It has nothing to do with Iran.”

“Uhhh-ranian Flying Objects?”

“IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IRAN.”

“Look, it’s close enough for government work.  Let’s begin before I need another cigarette.”  A fat, awkward looking man said behind the SecDef.  He appeared to be sloppily dressed in a cheap suit and smelled of sweat, used prophylaxes, American Spirit Menthols, and possibly yellow curry.  “I don’t have a ton of time but if this shitweasel has the President’s ear then my job is done once I pass him the ball.”

“This is Special Secret Agent Snuffy.”  Shannahann began.  “He has been tracking these anomalies since 1968.”

“Does he work for Iran?”  Pompeo asked.

“I don’t work for Iran.”  The fat man replied.

“I don’t believe you.  What Iranian agency do you work for?”

“I worked with the Shah, briefly in the 70’s, but that is irrelevant.”

“I KNEW IT!”

“Listen you shitweasel, SPACE SMITH has been sighted by Naval Aviators during the previous administration.  SPACE SMITH is out to rape you and the rest of the planet.”

“Does SPACE SMITH work for Iran?”

“No.  It’s an ancient spiritual being that transcends time and space, jumping between planetary systems after it achieves it’s objectives:  raping the planet.”

“Does Iran possess this technology to transcend time and space?”

“No, Iran is going to get fucked too.”

“YES LETS FUCK IRAN”

“Focus, you asshole.  SPACE SMITH =/= Iran.”

“Exactly…focus…Iran…asshole…SPACE SMITH…rape Iran.  What else do I need to brief to the President?”

“Navy and Air Force pilots have come in contact with SPACE SMITH.  Some of them have gone public, and some of the media outlets are reporting it, and not just the crackpot outlets.  They identified it moves at hypersonic speeds, and in a manner that exceeds human abilities.  We don’t think we can talk it down, but a plan does exist in the event it must scratch its quantum itch.”

“Can Iran move at hypersonic speeds?”

“No.”

“Can we use this against Iran?”

“Not really, not without getting raped ourselves.”

“But Iran is behind SPACE SMITH.”

“Technically its the other way around.”

“Okay I think I have this now.  Air Force and Navy pilots have identified a new Iranian super-weapon, this ‘SPACE SMITH.’  This is why sanctions are not enough in dealing with the radical Islamic Iranian regime….”

“Can I slap him?”

“Mathis struck him last year.” Shannahan responded. “Pompeo accused him of being an Iranian plant.  Took a dozen men to remove Mathis dragging his balls across his face after he knocked him out.”

“The Iranian’s sent Mathis to take me out and Tea Bag me!”

“Jesus.”  The yellow curry scented man said.

“What is the connection between Jesus, and Iran?”  Pompeo asked.

“We tried.  Hopefully he tells the President.”

 

“With the aid of their new super-weapon SPACE SMITH RAPED JESUS!  Iran converted JESUS against AMERICA, and will turn this weapon against the American people, unless we act now…..”

 

THIS TRANSMISSION IS CLASSIFFIED;

THAT MEANS IF THIS IS LEAKED, BAD THINGS HAPPEN;

STOP LEAKING, ITS DANGEROUS IF THE PUBLIC FINDS OUT WHAT GOES ON IN THE WAR ROOM

STOP LEAKING, DAMN YOU!!

THIS TRANSMISSION IS CLASSIFIED

 

 

 

Comments

250 responses to “This [REDACTED] is [REDACTED] as [REDACTED]”

  1. Nephilium

    So the Smiths have taken land, air, and sea. No where is safe. No where.

    1. mexican sharpshooter

      SEAL Team Smith?

      1. MikeS

        *sensible chuckle*

        1. MikeS

          Holy hell was that a necro post.

          Mr. Peabody and I are going to go back to the current year now.

    2. Libertesian
    3. The Bearded Hobbit

      No where is safe. No where.

      You had a doubt?

      1. Trigger Hippie

        What about caves? Or is there a Subterranean Smith that has yet to surface?

  2. Donation Not Taxation

    The moral of the story, according to the fictionalize version of Secretary Pompeo: SPACE SMITH works for Iran.

    1. Donation Not Taxation

      fictionalized, not fictionalize

    2. AlmightyJB

      Or does Iran work for Space Smith?

  3. straffinrun

    I’m with Pompeo on this. They shot down our drone! You know what those things cost? Some had to solder all day to get that thing skyworthy and we’re supposed to ignore all that hard work? Not on Bolton’s watch we won’t.

    1. hayeksplosives

      (Maker of military drones furrows eyebrows)

      It’s a little more complicated Than that.

      1. Not Adahn

        Procurement procedures don’t count.

      2. Yusef of Ganjastan

        I got to see some Reapers at General Atomics once, sharp wings!

        1. The Bearded Hobbit

          GA made some great high voltage power supplies. Their HV capacitors were also first-rate but their design was from Maxwell.

          1. hayeksplosives

            The Maxwell Oldies still work for GA. Nothing is lost

          2. Chafed

            Good to see you are still around. I was starting to wonder.

      3. straffinrun

        Hell, we could give Yusef 20K and a two week supply of Tall Boys! and he’d come up with a drone we could, as Americans, be proud of.

        1. Yusef of Ganjastan

          I do build R/C aircraft, and have many Arduinos for Deton, I mean comm devices………

          1. I have a servo kit and a gas engine sitting in my basement somewhere. The nitro soaked scraps of the plane I wadded up are long gone. I’ve wanted to get back into it, but it’s an expensive hobby.

          2. hayeksplosives

            Let’s just say that there has been a lot of noise at Pendleton this week, and next week we are lighting up the desert again.

        2. Not an Economist

          Controlling a drone with the wingspan of of a 737 half way around the world isn’t impressive?

          1. straffinrun

            I’m sure the tech involved is amazing. Even so, it’s a machine and I don’t see how the slaughter of people in Iran is going to square the ledger. It’s all fog of war right now, so we’ll see how it shakes out on the airspace aspect. Gulf of Tonkin, Babies being thrown from incubators, WMDs etc. Fool me once…

          2. You can own the basics yourself!

          3. Not an Economist

            Not saying anything about what we should do. But the drone was in international airspace. It was tracking ships in the water.

          4. straffinrun

            A lot possibilities are out there. Maybe there were other drones out there that were in Iranian airspace and they accidentally or intentionally shot down one that was in international airspace. Maybe the press is being manipulated by the military in both countries. Who knows? I’d bet on the idea that what we’ve been told so far is going to turn out to be in the range of not quite right to completely wrong.

          5. Libertesian

            When sabers rattle, it’s hard to hear the truth.

    2. Libertesian

      Save the drones — SPACE SMITH is on the case!

  4. Fourscore

    Needs more bolt on mustache

  5. Yusef of Ganjastan

    Most excellent! SEA SMITH WILL PREVAIL!

  6. Not Adahn

    We’re not expected to refrain from making a black hole joke re: the pic, are we?

  7. Spudalicious

    Huh. Pompeo is very different off camera.

    I’ve become very jaded(numb), because of this site. I missed the kink, depravity, and psychotic fever dreams that are regularly featured on this, the worst chat room ever.

    1. Yusef of Ganjastan

      Fuck Off Tulpa!, you and yours are well done, and we live here now! Go forth and waste no more of the Chambers time! Good /day Sir!

      1. Spudalicious

        That came across in Willie Wonka’s voice.

        1. Yusef of Ganjastan

          actually Paraphrasing Cromwell, but yes, GW was great in that movie!

          1. Pi Guy

            My name is Jim. But most people call me Jim.

          2. Trigger Hippie

            Hi I’m Larry, this is my brother Daryl, and this is my other brother Daryl.

  8. Nephilium

    Unpopular protests are unpopular:

    Uribe’s “great protest” against drinking beer in public draws dozens

    1. Yusef of Ganjastan

      Of Amish? or Diabetics?

      1. Nephilium

        Columbians.

        There are dozens of us! DOZENS!

        1. Yusef of Ganjastan

          not Colombians?

    2. AlmightyJB

      Allegedly forming a death squad damaged his rep? This is South America right?

    3. Trigger Hippie

      Seeing busybody moral scolds given a collective “whatever, dude” by the general public warms my heart.

    4. DEG

      Fuck.

  9. straffinrun

    NDT knows what “UFO” stands for.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b7rYRGbsMW0

  10. Yusef of Ganjastan

    Motel living, Hesperia CA,
    https://photos.app.goo.gl/FPbKm4oN1DaBT8aU6
    Next is San Dimas, for up to a week,

    1. Sean

      San Dimas football rulez!

      1. Yusef drives a Kia

        All, We are, is Dust, in the wind…..

        1. Sean

          Wyld Stayllyns!

          Most triumphant.

          1. Yusef drives a Kia

            party on Wayne!
            /different movie,same vibe

      2. Nephilium

        The Ataris agree!

        In related news, Face the Music is supposed to start filming this year.

        1. blackjack

          Face the music was a totally underrated album. Well, it is, it WAS rated pretty high back when.

    2. DEG

      I like that photo.

  11. mikey

    With all this war with iran talk i asked Wikipedia about Iranian air defenses . It was written by someone with English as a second language. This was cute.

    Motto: وَمَا رَمَيْتَ إِذْ رَمَيْتَ وَلَـكِنَّ اللّهَ رَمَى‎
    “And You Did Not Throw When You Threw, But God Did Throw”

    1. Spudalicious

      So when they tried to shoot down the drone last week, god missed?

      1. Florida Man

        To be fair, god is really old and old people don’t understand technology.

        1. Yusef drives a Kia

          He’s like a hundred years old! what does he know? Does he even have a smartphone? Ghaaa…

  12. AlmightyJB

    Maybe we should start calling him Don Smith? #dontbelieveallwomen

    https://www.nbc4i.com/news/u-s-world/trump-denies-new-sexual-assault-allegation/

    1. AlmightyJB

      Where she been?

  13. Yusef drives a Kia

    One thing is certain IMO, the US was in Iranian airspace, we do what we want, and a drone is nothing to us, that’s why we use them as, Trump is playing the game, again, and WINNING!

    1. Yusef drives a Kia

      as was supposed to be ffs, and all of a sudden,Google is autocorrecting acronyms?
      WTF?

    2. Sean

      Still not tired of winning…

    3. Florida Man

      What are we winning? Also, I don’t want to play.

      1. Yusef drives a Kia

        We are winning because Trump won’t play War, this is a good thing,

        1. Florida Man

          So Trump ordered a drone into Iranian airspace because he doesn’t want a war with Iran?

          1. Yusef drives a Kia

            SOP, Trump didn’t even know…

          2. Stinky Wizzleteats

            I would think it was probably a screw up if it was in Iranian airspace, no orders necessary.

    4. straffinrun

      Yep. You don’t park your Benz in a shitty neighborhood and then nuke the place because the wheels were stolen.

    5. Not an Economist

      Only because Iran has their own definition of Iranian airspace. For the rest of the world the drone was international airspace.

      1. Yusef drives a Kia

        I see it opposite, the World is US airspace because FYTW

        1. Not an Economist

          I guess the word “international” doesn’t mean anything to you. There are international agreements involved. You have a big problem with the US going FYTW, but none with Iran going FYTW? That doesn’t seem right.

          1. Yusef drives a Kia

            We don’t need to care, why waste time? let the Chinese, Japanese and Euros control the straights, not our problem
            that’s why..

  14. 0x90

    watch out dudes & dudettes, the site admin has hacked the site and stolen all our passwords .. even posted a post about it .. fucking brazen hacker admin on the loose

    1. Yusef drives a Kia

      I’m known, so what……

    2. Nephilium

      It was probably the Russians, or was it the Iranians?

      1. Yusef drives a Kia

        Miss Cleo and the Jamaican Fakers,
        /good band name

        1. Yusef drives a Kia

          ” formed in 1993, the Jamacainan Fakers were a White Reggae band, finding Miss Cleo out of work, she hired on to perform such hits as,
          Nine Ninety nine Mon!
          I tells ya fortune!
          Smoke two joints!
          and many more.

    3. Libertesian

      “password” still works for me… should I change it to “password1”?

      1. 0x90

        to be safe, you should choose a random password, maybe this will help: https://xkcd.com/221

      2. mikey

        I wonder how many of us use “podesta”.

  15. Juvenile Bluster

    Just got back from the ER with the kid. Her second go-around with supraventricular tachycardia. Better than the last time; this time her heart rate (280) could be measured, last time it was too high for the hospital’s instruments.

    So now we get to go on beta blockers (at age 10!) and likely a procedure called a catheter abelation where they zap whatever part of her heart is giving off the wrong electrical signal. And if it happens again she might need a pacemaker, but that’s a while off.

    This is more scary than serious, but still. Having a drink now even though I’m not supposed to.

    1. Nephilium

      Glad the kid is OK, that’s the important thing.

    2. straffinrun

      Got a 10y/o daughter myself. Can’t imagine that. God speed, JB.

    3. Spudalicious

      Glad she’s doing okay. SVT at any age is no fun.

      If they can accurately pinpoint the site, ablation could cure the problem and get her off beta blockers.

    4. Not an Economist

      I think I can speak for everyone when I say we wish you the best of luck that the beta blockers or the electric zap works.

      1. Sensei

        +1

      2. Fourscore

        I’m with you, JB. I’ve been on BBs for over 20 years, keeps things working smoothly and slowly. Good luck with your daughter, scarig for a parent, I know

      3. mindyourbusiness

        Second the montion.

      4. Gustave Lytton

        x5

      5. Old Man With Candy

        Opinion joined.

      6. mexican sharpshooter

        I want to be included,

      7. blackjack

        DAMMIT, the whole room seems dusty just thinking about it. The best for her with all my will.

      8. Grumbletarian

        Agreed!

    5. 0x90

      Scary is right, I can’t even imagine .. but what with all the medical wizardry they have these days, let’s hope you’ll all look back on this as just a bump in the road.

    6. AlmightyJB

      Best wishes for a speedy resolution.

    7. DEG

      Sorry.

    8. Tundra

      Ugh. I’ll be rooting for her, man. Sorry you all have to go through this.

      1. Chafed

        What Tundra said.

    9. gbob

      Jesus. Sounds like a well deserved drink.

      As with everyone else, rooting for you and the little one.

  16. Nephilium

    There’s a reason those of us in Northeast Ohio are glad the rain appears to be taking a couple days off. This is in Canal Fulton, south of Akron.

    To say there’s been a lot of rain this spring would be an understatement.

    Spring 2019 will go down in history as one of the wettest on record. It rained 55 out of the 93 days since the calendar turned from winter on March 20.

    1. Yusef drives a Kia

      Damn, hope you’re on high ground,

      1. Nephilium

        I’m in the heights, at the height of a slope. The closest water source to me is Big Creek, which you can generally step over, and is at the bottom of a ravine. I’m ~6 miles from the Lake and the Cuyahoga, so I’ll have plenty of warning if the rains continue. No standing water that I’ve seen in the yard yet, and the basement is still dry.

    2. Fourscore

      Oh my!

    3. CPRM

      GLOBAL WARMING CLIMATE CHANGE GLOBAL FLOODING!

      1. Suthenboy

        We should build an ark?

        1. CPRM

          Na, a big raft will do. N…word Jim can captain. #RACISM!

        2. Spudalicious

          What’s an ark?

          1. Fourscore

            Only guy that has the plans is doing time

          2. Spudalicious

            And time is not on his side.

          3. Rhywun

            Time IS on his side.

          4. blackjack

            Was

          5. blackjack
          6. Rhywun

            *squeal!*

          7. Nephilium

            Right… what’s a cubit?

          8. CPRM

            SHH! Q-Bert’s attorney’s swept that whole thing under the rug. Don’t go bringing it up 30 years later. (a cubit is approximately a yard though, the average length of the forearm at that time and place)

          9. The Bearded Hobbit

            a cubit is approximately a yard though, the average length of the forearm at that time and place

            Not quite.

            About half that.

          10. CPRM

            I can’t help if those researchers had short forearms.

    4. DEG

      Yikes.

      We’ve had a lot of rain here, but nothing like that.

      1. Nephilium

        Surprisingly, I haven’t heard about flooding on the East side of Cleveland. There’s a city that has a portion of it that is across a river, and juts out into the Lake. Every couple of years the river floods, cutting off a section of the city from the rest of the world. Hell, that area got flooded out this past winter, but not this spring.

  17. Suthenboy

    Re: Iran kerfuffle

    I know an engineer who spent 25 years working there. He said the truth never passes their lips. Lying is deeply embedded in their culture. He was constantly having to remind his Iranian engineers not to lie on technical reports. Get that? They lie on technical reports about engineering and chemical processes. Let that sink in.

    There is no use in engaging in any kind of serious conversation with them or paying attention to anything they have to say.

    1. straffinrun

      They may be liars, but are they suicidal?

      1. Suthenboy

        No, of course not. The lying is a cultural symptom from having been invaded so many times over the millennia. It originated as an attempt to make it impossible for occupiers to succeed. It is the opposite of suicidal.

        So far I think Trump made the right call. The distinction he seems to make is whether anyone was killed. He didn’t hesitate to strike in Syria when people were killed there. He called it off this time because no one was killed. He is worse than Hitler.

        1. straffinrun

          The moment Trump said that when he saw that 150 would be killed he called off the attack, he won my vote for 2020*. Contrast that with Albright saying that the deaths of half a million Iraqi children was worth the price of sanctions. By saying that 150 deaths wasn’t worth it, puts Trump in the future position of having to defend 1000, 10,000 deaths were he to start bombing Iran. It’s an amazing way to box the neocons in to the position of defending killing people.

          *Subject to revision if he does get his war boner on.

          1. Fourscore

            Where’s McCain when we need him?

          2. Rhywun

            we need him

            [cite needed]

          3. Francisco d’Anconia

            The moment Trump said that when he saw that 150 would be killed he called off the attack, he won my vote for 2020*

            No pause that he didn’t ask that question before an hour prior?

          4. straffinrun

            That he asked the question ever is a step above the viable candidates out there. My disclaimer* will most likely come into play, but I wanna give props when due.

          5. My inside source says he has absolutely been agonizing about this stuff. He has a lot of voices in his ear. I’m sure he has been fully briefed on all the shady shit Iran does in the ME and around the world, and has advisors trying to press him into cruise missile attacks 24/7.

        2. Not an Economist

          The average citizen no. I’m not so sure about some of their leadership. There is a death cult sect about a 12th Imam or something that some of their leaders followed.

    2. Libertesian

      There is no use in engaging in any kind of serious conversation with them or paying attention to anything they have to say.

      This is good advice in general — present company excepted, of course.,

    3. Not an Economist

      Iran has released photos of some of their technological “achievements”. Laughable isn’t a strong enough word for some of those “achievements”.

      1. CPRM

        Declassified video of Iran’s Adam Bomb.

        1. Rhywun

          I miss Iron Sheik on Howard Stern.

    4. DEG

      A friend’s roommate in the dorms was from Iran.

      I remember chatting with the roommate and his friend.

      They weren’t liars.

      The didn’t like the Ayatollahs at all. They told us their parents protested the Shah because the Shah was the puppet of the West, then after the protest headed out to the discos.

      They got their wish. The Shah was kicked out, and the Ayatollahs came in. No more discos.

      1. Not an Economist

        I think the average Iranian citizen is probably okay with the US. The problem is the Ayatollahs.

  18. CPRM

    I heard this all in Seth McFarlane voices. You’ve lost the plot when it’s all McFarlane voices.

    1. mexican sharpshooter

      Which ones? I’m can kinda see Pompeo as Stewie.

      1. CPRM

        In this write-up, all of them. All the characters read like McFarlane. Not McFarlane doing a voice, but him pretending to do a voice that he thinks is different, even though it’s not.

  19. Rhywun

    OT:

    A typo in the state’s automatic voter registration bill would have forced non-citizens to register despite their ineligibility — but lawmakers vowed it would be fixed.

    LOL, “typo”.

    Busted!

    1. CPRM

      They would have gotten away with it if not for you rascally kids and your dog!

    2. AlmightyJB

      Yeah, total accident

      1. Rhywun

        The Dems’ chutzpah since they consolidated control at all levels of government here last year has been breathtaking. There has been such a flurry of crazypants legislation since January 1 I can’t even remember all of the greatest hits.

        1. Gustave Lytton

          Ditto here. With the R’s refusing to provide the quorum so they can pass cap and trade, the D’s are now threatening to pass every kitchen sink wish list bill (on top of the crap they’ve already passed this session) as punishment when they finally get their quorum.

    1. Rhywun

      That’s bonkers.

      1. Fourscore

        Wow, you’re Ruff!

    2. CPRM

      Dogs can’t use forks.

        1. CPRM

          I believe animal abuse is almost impossible to do, since animals are property, yet this is fucking abuse.

          1. Suthenboy

            How so? I didn’t watch all the way through.

          2. CPRM

            A shirt?! On a Dog?! Disgusting!

  20. Derpetologist

    With apologies to The Little Mermaid-

    ♫ Look at my ‘stache…Isn’t it neat? Wouldn’t you say my face is complete?
    I wanna be where the targets are… I wanna see, wanna see them dyin’
    What’s napalm and why does it…what’s the word?
    BURN.
    When’s it my turn? Wouldn’t I love..to rain death and destruction from above!
    I wanna be…wish I could be..part of that warrrrr….

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXKlJuO07eM

    1. CPRM

      I blame that movie for my fucking fish. I certainly don’t blame myself.

      1. Trigger Hippie

        The Little Mermaid makes your fish horny?…Makes sense in a weird way I guess. 😉

        1. blackjack

          And that’s how we get caviar.

    2. AlmightyJB

      Thicc

      1. DEG

        I always thought Ariel was hot.

  21. CPRM

    If I could simply write all my dialogue like SF I’d do a whole bit about Trump trying to pronounce Hormuz.

    1. CPRM

      “Whore Moose. That’s what I said!”

    2. Old Man With Candy

      Who was it, David Frye maybe? who did a bit with his aides trying to teach Lyndon Johnson to say “Negro.”

      “Nigra?”
      “Uhh, no Mr. President, it’s ‘nee-grow.’”
      “Niiiiigra?”

      1. Rhywun

        Love to see what he would have made of “person of color”.

  22. Spudalicious

    There is a strong disturbance in the force…

    1. mexican sharpshooter

      Get to a toilet before its too late, Spud.

  23. Nephilium

    So tonight’s cocktail tests (both for the girlfriend) were not to her tastes.

    First one she picked was the South Side: Gin, lemon juice, simple syrup and mint leaves. Not bad to my tastes, not sure why the girlfriend picked it since she doesn’t like gin. Her second choice was the XYZ cocktail: Rum, lemon juice, and orange liquor. It was not sweet enough for her… so she added a heavy dash of grenadine.

    1. AlmightyJB

      Some pineapple juice added to the second drink would be good.

      1. Nephilium

        I’d lean the other way with a dash of bitters. Or adding pineapple juice and splitting up the lemon juice into lemon and lime, and a blend of white rum, dark rum, and spiced rum.

        Then putting it into a tiki glass.

        1. blackjack

          I’d add both. Then, I’d pour it into a sink and drink some high quality scotch neat, but that’s just me.

          1. Nephilium

            Pouring it down the sink would be alcohol abuse. I generally tend towards the old cocktails, which enhance the flavor of the liquor, instead of trying to hide it.

    2. Spudalicious

      I had to decide between one, or two splashes of water in my rye. ?

      1. Nephilium

        I like to try at least one new cocktail a week, it helps keep me from stagnating. I’ve also got a solid selection of beers in the fridge (including the DDH Hi-Res), and more whisk(e)y then any two men could drink in my basement.

        1. Spudalicious

          I will try a new cocktail at a bar, when I’m in the mood. If I like it, I ask for the recipe and duplicate it at home. I’m not a big cocktail guy, but there are four out five that I can crank out at any given time.

  24. straffinrun

    Quick thought: The US as globocop has become the default position. Pro and con people in the states debate whether it’s a good idea, but the argument ends in a stalemate which means globocop’s mandate continues. If the US were to cancel the contract, you’d see bad actors around the world take advantage. Question: How do you get out of being globocop even if you had a majority of the public on your side? All it ever takes is some well placed propaganda to wipe out your support, no?

    1. Derpetologist

      There will always be a top dog. History teaches this.

      In the words of Highlander, there can only be one.

      1. straffinrun

        Sure, but you’re missing the question. What if your public doesn’t want to pay the human and monetary cost of being top dog anymore? How do you get out of the role in that specific circumstance?

        1. Derpetologist

          for question #1: the US becomes like France or the UK

          for question #2: you are humiliated and and your country is disgraced for centuries

          1. straffinrun

            The Washington Doctrine gets jettisoned when you become powerful?

          2. Derpetologist

            If you are top dog, there will be many want to take you down. A strong man will have many enemies.

          3. straffinrun

            And so will an asshole. Beware of fighting monsters. The line is unclear and my point is that it’s the very nature of not knowing exactly when you’ve crossed the line that leads to the inevitability of crossing the line. Not saying the US is the asshole yet, but I don’t see how you stop it from becoming one.

    2. Spudalicious

      I think OrangeManBad is trying to nudge us in that direction, to a point. Increase lethality, shrink the global footprint, and make sure that everyone knows if we play, we’re going to play for keeps, so please don’t make us do that.

      In the long run? I think a massive war that knocks us off the top of the sand hill is the only thing that’s going to change the current dynamic. I can see plenty of different outcomes on both sides of that scenario. Really none of them are good.

      1. straffinrun

        From your lips to god’s ears, Spud.

        1. straffinrun

          *Talking about OMB shifting policy, not the catastrophic war.

          1. Spudalicious

            Trump is a counter puncher, but from his perspective, war is bad for business.

    3. The Bearded Hobbit

      I kind of like the fact that the sea lanes are open for trade. Someone needs to ensure that and, although the Constitution allows for Letters of Marque, the founders allowed for capital ships, i.e. the US Navy.

      This is a distinction from the Constitutional mandate that funds for an army were to be year-by-year. This implies no standing army.

      In my mind there is no need to be the World Police. Keep the sea lanes open and let the shining example of Liberty* in the USA set the example for the people of the world.

      * As if.

      1. straffinrun

        Yep. I find police brutality repulsive whether it’s global or not.

  25. DEG

    “We need to brief the President on…another issue that has been making the rounds in the media.” Shannahan explained. “Has anybody ever informed you of the DOD’s work with UFO’s?”

    ALIENZ!!!111!1!!

    I’m drunk.

  26. DEG

    I’m trying some Tennessee Tasters.

    When I was at the Jack Daniels Distillery store, they said this was a distillery exclusive. So I bought some.

    I’m not sure what to make of it. I really can’t tell the difference between this and regular Jack Daniels.

    1. CPRM

      You obviously need to pay more for the tasting classes.

      1. DEG

        Or I just need to drink more.

    2. straffinrun

      How lovely. I haven’t been carded in decades.

      1. Gustave Lytton

        Even the state liquor monopoly switched to single button like porn sites, instead of inputting a birthdate. Does anyone actually enter their birthday or just spin the wheels until it’s legal?

        1. DEG

          I always enter Unix Epoch. 01/01/1970. They don’t ask for a timezone so I don’t give a shit about it.

    3. Chafed

      I’m a cynic so I’ll say the onlt difference is the label.

    1. Spudalicious

      The reaction of the guy on the right is priceless.

  27. Chafed

    I’ve had 4 fingers of 15 year old Macallan. Recommended.

    1. Banjos

      “4 fingers of 15 year old”

      I think you get 20 to life for that.

      1. Chafed

        I admit after I posted, I thought someone is going to slap me for it. Good evening Banjos. Can’t remember seeing you on the site this late before.

        1. Banjos

          Rare drinking night. Long summer and it’s only mid June.

          1. Chafed

            That’s funny. It’s a rare drinking night for me too. Summer hasn’t really kicked in here. Though it looks like it might in a week or so.

    2. The Last American Hero

      18 or go home.

      1. Chafed

        It was a gift from my wife. I can’t remember the occasion.

    3. straffinrun

      Are you Home Alone?

      1. Chafed

        Nope. Wifey and child 2 are here.

        1. straffinrun

          Sorry. Thought that said McCauly Caulkin.

          1. Chafed

            You are a strange man Straffinrun.

  28. Gustave Lytton

    The shitheels running the state are using the alleged possibility of threats to shut down public protests of their crap. This clearly an attempt to prevent 1A protected activities. Utter scum.

    https://www.registerguard.com/news/20190621/update-militia-threat-shuts-down-oregon-statehouse-amid-walkout

    And double down on making threats to use lethal force on their political opponents, all the whole decrying their opponents for publicly suggesting they would resist that lethal force. Tina Kotex is a POS that should have been flushed ten years ago. Keep pushing assholes. At some point you’re going to get the violence you keep claiming your opposition espouses and uses. It won’t be some dipshit proud boys publicly marching. The rest of us will be fucked as the thin veneer of civilization cracks.

    1. The Last American Hero

      They sent the state patrol to round up the gop senators? Don’t they know the state patrol votes law and order republican?

      1. Gustave Lytton

        The leadership doesn’t. And I wouldn’t necessarily guarantee the rank and file either. Besides, as long as it has a coating of legitimacy and orders from their superiors, most will do what they’re told.

    2. straffinrun

      “A possible militia threat”. Not even a threat. Just the possibility of a threat.

    3. Rhywun

      the climate bill, which would dramatically reduce fossil fuel emissions by 2050

      Sure, Jan.

    4. Rhywun

      The yokels need to STFU and let their betters destroy their way of life. It’s for their own good.

      1. Chafed

        It’s only right.

    5. Grumbletarian

      What are the Glibertariat’s thoughts on the ‘prevent a quorum by not showing up to work’ tactic? I recall that the Dem lawmakers in Wisconsin fled to Illinois for awhile during Scott Walker’s term to prevent the GOP from passing laws they wanted to. Legit tactic, impeachable offense, or something in between?

    1. Chafed

      Some of both I thought no.

      1. Chafed

        Jesus. Thought no = think.

    2. Tejicano

      They are not mutually exclusive so I’ll say “yes”.

  29. commodious spittoon

    Man, that first Mission Impossible film aged badly. And it was only six years before the first Bourne film.

    1. Gustave Lytton

      Yet the original hasn’t. Mmmmm…. Cinnamon Carter… and Lesley Ann Warren.

    2. Chafed

      You are being generous. I didn’t like it when it came out. The TV series was about intrigue, spy raft, and cleverness. The movie was a typical action adventure film.

      1. Tejicano

        I often wonder how well an accurate portrayal would go. All these “spy thrillers” have a bad guy(s) who are unarguably bad. In the real world our intel operatives are sent out over differences in shades of gray. But the guy who does the job does not even consider the question – it is literally his job to risk his life and take another’s on orders which he pretty much knows how bad his target is based on his view of the world. I think that many people would have questions about the morality of it all.

        1. EvilSheldon

          There have been a few okay ones. Argo, Sneakers, the BBC production of Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy.

          A truly accurate portrayal would be impossible, just because it would be unwatchably boring.

      2. Gustave Lytton

        And shit all over the original by making Jim Phelps the villain.

        1. Chafed

          1000x this. That made me really angry.

          1. Gustave Lytton

            I skipped the others after that and didn’t see them for years. I liked 4 & 5 having been long enough I don’t associate it with the first one. Still haven’t seen 6.

  30. commodious spittoon

    Watching Donnie Brasco now. This is fun.

    1. commodious spittoon

      commodious reviews: Prime videos that caught my interest.

      “It’s okay.”

      “Didn’t age well.”

      “Got trashed and didn’t finish, mayb

      1. Chafed

        Trashed indeed.

  31. Chafed

    Multiple UFO references in the article and no one posts this:

    https://youtu.be/aatjerFCRP8

    I am disappointed people.

    1. Tejicano

      Fun fact – Japanese use our acronym “UFO” but instead of pronouncing like we do (Yoo-Ef-Oh) they pronounce it like a word – Oofoh.

      1. Chafed

        Just like the British sci-fi show from 1970

  32. Chafed

    For the first time in my career I had to sue a client for fees. Two years of nonsense leading up to a 6 day trial. The jury was out for 45 minutes before ruling for me.

    Now open wide (former client) and say my name.

    https://youtu.be/dscfeQOMuGw

    1. Tejicano

      My brother-in-law is an attorney who has made a successful career for himself doing collections work – forcing people to pay obligations, more often the outcomes of court judgements. It never fails to amaze me how many of his clients try to stiff him on his fee. They have seen him in action and he rarely fails. What is it that makes them think he won’t do the same to them?

    1. Rhywun

      she will not file criminal charges because it would be “disrespectful to the women who are down on the border who are being raped around the clock”

      She is… something.

    2. Banjos

      It’s quite amazing how Trump dates and marries models but anyways seems to sexually assault unattractive batshit crazy leftists.

      1. Gustave Lytton

        He clearly suffers from Hugh Grant syndrome.

        1. Tres Cool

          Better than Lou Grant syndrome, amirite ?

  33. l0b0t

    About a third of the way through my BiF shipment (Thanks Grummun) and DAMN!!! Ohio has some fine breweries.

    1. So it didn’t get porch pirated?

      1. l0b0t

        Thanks for asking. No, it was delivered to a neighbor and their AirBnB guests just brought it inside and forgot about it. Neighbor brought it over on Monday.