Once again, I have to apologize to everyone here. Depending on what sociologist you ask, I happen to be a millennial. As many of you know, millennials ruin everything. Which means I am going to go ahead and ruin this. I will now brace myself for the onslaught of rotten cabbage you are all getting ready to throw at me…
This is my review of Natural Light Aloha Beaches Hard Seltzer.
I know what half of you are thinking: “This isn’t beer. Now these cucks want us to drink a shot of vodka dropped into bubbly water? No way no how…” A quarter of you are probably wondering how this is even marketable, 10% of you haven’t even read this far and skipped directly to comments, finally the last 15% of you have decided that it is good Natural Light decided to drop the mask and admit what they are selling is just water.
So for that 25% of you curious why this is marketable…
Hard Seltzer is not really a new concept. Cocktails like the Gin & Tonic, the Vodka Tonic, or even the Scotch & Soda have been around for decades. What makes it new is putting it into a can and marketing it as a lower calorie option to beer or wine. In a sense it is lower in calories. The typical White Claw for example is 100 calories per 12 ounce serving. The alcohol is normally just white rum so there is hardly any flavor aside from the carbonation and the light, fruity flavoring they can add to it but it can be plain if one is that boring.
This is what has won over the Bro Culture. Seriously, you know those guys in their 20’s with their popped collars, imitation wayfarers, short pink shorts, and boating shoes without socks are drinking? Hard seltzer.
How and why? Because of the perception that beer is high in calories, and this is a better option from that standpoint. Sort of like vaping—is it actually “good” for you to vape? Probably not, but they are not marketing it as a “good” option but it is certainly a better option than smoking cigarettes. The garden variety Pilsner for example is around 150 calories–yes even the supposedly better ones from Germany. Light beer is around 100 and the ultralights are even lower, but at that point you are just drinking 3% abv(or less) and you may as well be drinking water. The aforementioned White Claw is consistent at 5.5% abv, does not taste like watered down beer, and can be chugged right before you have to meet your mother-in-law without her knowing you’re a lush.
So it is the “Bro Market” players like Four Loko and Natural Light are trying to penetrate by offering, in the case of Four Loko, an absurd 14% abv. Are these bubbly water drinks really any good? I can get into it in occasion and should I find the Four Loko version I will most certainly discuss it. One thing I noticed is these tend to hit me a bit quicker than beer, but I also recover from it quicker than beer as well. The Natural Light version comes in two flavors, the one I picked was mango mostly out of lack of options at the store in California where I purchased it. It is overpowering—the mango flavor, that is. I believe the perfect combination with this particular hard seltzer is actually a shaker of Taijin, because grilled mango with a light brush of butter, topped with Taijin is absolutely delicious.
Chances are pretty good, you hate everything about every word I just described, if so this is not for you. Your 24 year old son living in your basement? Sure, otherwise this is not for you. Natural Light Aloha Beaches Hard Seltzer: 1.5/5
Comments
402 responses to “There are no laws…”
The popularity of White Claw is empirical proof of the Libertarian Moment.
Prove me wrong.
I typically only see hipsters drinking it. But I once drank a couple of them at a bar, so I’ll defer on this one.
*punches HM in the throat*
Sorry. No laws!
It’s cool, bro. We’re drinking Claws.
Nah. I’m on a Session IPA right now. Getting ready to head to stop three. With a quick stop to get some swag for my passport.
Well, in that case, enjoy your assault and battery charge!
I was told there are no laws.
Session? You’d better have a good reason!
If you’re a commercial pilot, I’ll allow the excuse.
You wouldn’t be touting the supremacy of these claws, now, would you?
Would you?
“Donald Trump’s Presidency Is the Libertarian Moment”
nymag.com/intelligencer/2018/01/donald-trumps-presidency-is-the-libertarian-moment.html
President Donald J. Trump does not drink alcohol, including White Claw.
“Donald Trump’s Presidency Is the Libertarian Moment”
nymag.com/intelligencer/2018/01/donald-trumps-presidency-is-the-libertarian-moment.html
President Donald J. Trump does not drink alcohol, including White Claw.
Huh? Really delayed squirrel.
They are a good in-the-and-by-the-pool drink.
High Noon are better.
Does Antonio Brown drink White Claw? I mean if he does, that’s some serious evidence that it causes severe brain damage. (Raiders just released him)
They get to keep most of the $30 and lose a really flaky and unreliable player? Sounds like a win-win.
In celebration, I’ll go crack a White Claw. (Actually, it’ll be for some other reason – IDGAF about the Raiders, but I still think it’s a smart move.)
They still lost two draft picks in the process. And someone else will give AB the money before the sun goes down. Praying it’s not the Ravens.
Correction: 3 draft picks.
I think he might not get picked up, at least for a while. His mercurial personality combined with his elevated view of his own talent means he’d probably be asking for more than teams would want to pay him.
As for the draft picks, sometimes it’s like a divorce. Giving away half your stuff can still be worth it to get rid of the wrong woman.
Prediction. He’s never getting another 30 million dollar payday. He fucked up big time.
Well, three seasons ago I’d have said the only place left for him to go is the Raiders, because they’re always desperate. Now, shit, I don’t know. I’m not even sure the Pats would roll the dice on him, and Bellichick loves to think he can tough love these problem children and get something out of them.
“Bellichick loves to think he can tough love these problem children and get something out of them.”
He may have reconsidered hat after the Hernandez thing. At least AB hasn’t murdered at least 3 people, yet.
They got burned hiring a serial murderer, so… maybe they’ll be more careful.
Hey, he may have been a murderer, but he always showed up to practice on time.
“Hey, he may have been a murderer, but he always showed up to practice on time.”
Well, I mean priorities and stuff.
The Raiders are better off without him.
Funny that AB released a phone call between him and Gruden. Gruden was trying to talk him into just showing up and playing football. Brown was having none of it because reasons and drama.
I said it in the dead thread: he’ll be a Patriot by week 4.
…or a Viking
We have one more attendee for Honey Harvest ’19; NoDakMat will be tagging along with me.
Sweet!
I seriously doubt the Pats would sign him. It would be for zero guaranteed money.
*sad trombone*
Try week 2 — reports are he signed with the Patriots.
Okay you were right!
$30 MM
Holy Bejeebus Crikey. WTF? We went from him threatening the GM to tearful apology and sounded like he’s already to suit up for Monday night and now just released? WTF Raiders? You lost 3 high round draft picks for this? Dude must be beyond bi-polar. But why just release him? Get something for it, dummies.
Somethin’s up with that dude. Seriously. I think he has some sort of mental issue. I don’t know if it’s something like schizophrenia or whatever they’re calling it these days, or if it’s a chemical dependency thing, but he needs help.
It’s a really sad day for the Raiders though. Not that it hasn’t been a sad day for the Raiders most of the past 20 seasons. But this really sucks. 3 high round draft picks gone, no compensation for that at all. They got rid of Amari Cooper, then Crabtree and Seth Roberts, both of whom were more than serviceable receivers. I criticized the Raiders for doing that and then paying AB 30mil, a guy who is (was) still a top notch receiver, but he’s well past his prime. If you look at 24 year old AB on tape and 30 year old AB, the loss in speed and elusiveness is very evident. And his behavioral problems must have been already evident. You’d hope they learned something, but I doubt it.
This dude is just unbelievable. Apparently, he asked to be released because they fined him $215,000 for his conduct, but were going to let him play. Seriously? That is less than 1 fucking percent of the 30 million he could have earned. What a fucking maroon.
I don’t know how you get rid of Amari Cooper. He’s a solid receiver. Not flashy, but he’s a workhorse, and he’s gonna get you yards. As a lifelong Redskins victim, I’ve seen this movie before. This is what happens when you have bad management. Jon Gruden is Jon Gruden, but this is the type of shit you see when you’ve got a problem in the office.
“I don’t know how you get rid of Amari Cooper.”
I sort of get it. Cooper, who is an elite talent, no doubt about it, has this habit of occasionally just disappearing as a productive receiver. And I’ll explain, he sometimes has long streaks, like 5-6 straight games where he just cannot catch the fucking ball even if it hits him right in the numbers. He’s been doing it for years. He’ll look amazing for half a season, and then he’ll just forget how to catch a damn football. I don’t know if maybe it’s a mental thing, but it seems like it.
I was a lot more upset about them releasing Crabtree. The dude is past his prime, but is still a clutch receiver.
But whatever, the Raiders once again fucked up big time. It’s almost like old Al never left, his ghost still haunts the Raiders.
Yeah, I see what you’re saying. I just don’t know what the hell they’re doing over there. It wasn’t all that long ago that the Raiders were a good team. Now they’re an absolute dumpster fire.
I assume everyone has seen this?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=2&v=uCH_NCZ7Ejs
Yesterday: An apology to the team.
Last night: this video
What a loon.
Jesus. Dude is a fucking psychopath. No, we don’t want you to be a Raider, we just paid you 30 mil for giggles. My wife asked me ‘Is he going to be OK, he has money already, yes’. And I answered ‘Yeah, sure he has plenty of money, so have a lot of other sports stars who then wound up broke as fuck because they’re morons’. He gets some serious help or we’ll be hearing about him being homeless soon enough.
Jesus. Don’t just burn that bridge, nuke the fucking thing.
*Looks in fridge… wait, that’s iceberg lettuce and not rotted… rummages through produce drawer… finds some zucchini that is past expiration, hurls toward MS*
You dare throw squash at me!
I know what half of you are thinking: “This isn’t beer. Now these cucks want us to drink a shot of vodka dropped into bubbly water? No way no how…” A quarter of you are probably wondering how this is even marketable, 10% of you haven’t even read this far and skipped directly to comments, finally the last 15% of you have decided that it is good Natural Light decided to drop the mask and admit what they are selling is just water.
I didn’t read this far.
WTF? Hard Seltzer? WTF?
If I wasn’t on my cell, I’d link you the homebrew recipe kit that passed my news feed for hard Seltzer.
I’m not sure why it’s such a strange concept for some people since vodka sodas have been around forever.
I agree. And a terrible Zima experiment back in the ’90s.
Given the existence fruity blonde ales, it’s not that far a stretch.
Chances are pretty good, you hate everything about every word I just described, if so this is not for you. Your 24 year old son living in your basement? Sure, otherwise this is not for you.
Yes, I do hate this thing. If you want booze in a light soft drink, make your own fucking self. if I had a son, living in my basement or otherwise, that drank this shit I’d disown him.
I wonder if this is how Sloopy felt when he heard about hipsters selling artisanal mayo?
Wasn’t that Sarcasmic?
No, I think it was sloopy.
Thing I remember best about Sarc was posting pics of women who resembled anorexic 10 year old boys.
The first time I ever even heard of it, I was sitting in a bar in Canton. Well, actually at a table near the bar in their open courtyard thingy. My wife says ‘honey, what is that beer those people are all drinking?’. So I scoped it out and I’m … I dunno. You mean in the white cans? So our waitress came around and I asked her and she’s all excited ‘Oh, it’s White Claw. It’s so good!, you want to try one?’. I was drinking Stella on tap, but I said ‘Sure’.
It tastes very close to Truly, which they sell in all the stores here. Not my thing, I’ll stick to beer *Opens can of Stella*
Stella is not a bad beer.
I’m drinking boozy coffee right now and icing my leg. Once the yard dries out I’ll mow the lawn. The local brewpub tapped its Oktoberfest, so I know where I will eat dinner tonight.
“Stella is not a bad beer.”
I love it on tap.
Here’s a little-explored use for White Claws.
I heard about this stuff over the summer from my BIL who lives in San Diego, surfs all the time, and talks a lot about carbs. He’s in his 30s, married, with an infant, and he was suitably ashamed to mention it. Which didn’t stop him from combing Rehoboth Beach’s various liquor stores until he found it for sale.
I feel like, aside from the fact that it’s canned, you’re better off just making an icepick or something like that. There’s a cocktail for every single variation of adding vodka to something else you can imagine, so it’s not difficult to arrive at some low-calorie, low-carb drink that will get you drunk given enough time.
White Claw is 5%, so yeah, you can get drunk on it if you drink enough of it, not that I’d want to.
The answer is Beer, always…
This guy gets it.
Yusef: Ever the wise
guyman. Wise man.? ? ?
As Tres would say ‘Yufus and tall cans’.
I’ll go for wine meself.
Pinot Grigio preferably
A female who likes wine. How totally unpredictable.
Hey, so long as they’re drinking, it’s all good.
You have a point.
I figure, if a lady gives you the key, it’s best to hold on to it, regardless if it’s Kwikset, or, Schlage.
/L’Chaim!
Profound AF
I try… I mean, when she tells you what she likes, fetch–don’t kvetch!
*fistbump of solidarity*
Are we Basic Beckys? Or do Basic Beckys drink White Claw, and we’re just Wine Moms?
Wine mums driving bimbo boxes to the soccer.
Bimbo Box?
Mommy van?
First time I heard it was reading Snow Crash. But I suppose it means Mini Van.
I don’t know if it’s new, or if I just noticed it, but the wine moms are REALLY into Rosé. I went to an 8 year old birthday party, and there was an ice bucket with 24 bottles (I know, Ralph’s tricks you into buying them 6 at a time).
It’s all pink and bubbly, just like us and our Vjayjays. What’s not to like? Girl power!
What popped into my head.
barf – I hate Rose wine. Too damn sweet. Two ahem, three buck chuck chardonnay is my go-to for cheap thrills.
Too much residual sugar, sugar.
Thankfully not Moscato or white zin.
Dry moscato (from Trentino especially) is one of the most wonderful wines in existence. Pair it with an asparagus and goat cheese tart and it’s almost as good as a blowie. Almost.
My wife mostly drinks Moscatos and other sweet low alcohol sparkling type wines. I don’t like it at all, but it works for her, so it’s all good.
Once you go Black…
Yep, loves me some wine, but otherwise I’m about the furthest thing from an oenophile. Does being a cheap & easy drunk count for anything?
Beer is a good answer.
Survey says…
BEER!
Checking in from brewery three. I didn’t even realize there was a supported ride going on today. And this stop is right by the finish. Oh well, got a bar seat, some lager, and chorizo quesadillas.
Soon to head to brewery four.
Been a while since I’ve done one of those…. what do they call them? Bar marathons with a finish? There was a movie. These days I typically only go to a couple of them and then go home. Yeah, I’m old.
I know a person (female) who drinks White Claw with a shot of vanilla vodka in it.
No, I have not tried it.
I haven’t had vodka in quite some time. But I used to drink screwdrivers almost exclusively in college. Must have been why I was never ill, hangovers notwithstanding.
Taijin on fruit is disgusting.
That’s what my wife had for breakfast. I, on the other hand, took the kids out for sausage mcmuffins at 630 this morning. There was still a line.
Too bad they don’t put bacon on McMuffins. Canadian bacon is better than the hockey pucks, but the bacon biscuit is better than either.
I do the add on for $.85.
Their bacon got really good a year or two ago.
They quit making the Egg White Delight McMuffin. I miss it, not for the egg whites, but for the white cheddar cheese.
Once again I’m out of the loop – never heard of “White Claw” before yesterday.
But yeah, “hard seltzer” is basically my go-to drink and has been for the last few decades. Pour vodka, pour whatever soda-pop is on hand, drink.
I can see ordering this stuff in a bar. Buying it at the supermarket is throwing your money out the window.
“pour whatever soda-pop”
You see, that’s why you can’t be one of the cool kids. White Claw is soda free, gluten free, gender neutral, non-binary, inclusive, always enjoyed in a gun free zone, and the makers hate Donald Trump.
A couple of serious rednecks I work with drink that stuff. When they want to have fun they hunt, fish, listen to country music, and drink White Claw and if you offer either of them a beer they eww like teenage girls. Go figure…
It’s almost as if people like choices…
Come on, this is ‘Murica—where people must be mocked for making the wrong choices.
^This guy gets it.
A friend of mine is this huge, blonde-haired, blue-eyed monster who is so German his grandfathers fought on opposite sides of the same battle in WW2, and he cannot stand beer. Drinks Smirnoff Ice for preference, or rum and Cokes.
He lies. He defected from the Russian army when he thought Hitler was going to win. And he’s still getting away with it.
“A couple of serious rednecks I work with drink that stuff. When they want to have fun they hunt, fish, listen to country music, and drink White Claw ”
Oh muh gawds. Hipster rednecks, the apocalypse really is nigh. Couldn’t they just have stuck with Busch Light? It’s getting beyond hope now.
Supposedly a couple of the flavors go real good with Skoal so that’s a big plus for them.
I’ve been into Fireball and Coke lately. A cinnamon Coke isn’t too bad.
The Bee *just* had ana article about White Claw. This shit is getting spooky.
So, you also suspect some Glib is the evil genius behind The Bee.
Chances are pretty good, you hate everything about every word I just described, if so this is not for you.
I don’t hate it. But I will mercilessly mock anyone I see drinking it. Like Mexican Sharpshooter. Who scored this 1.5 points more than it deserved. Because he’s a millennial hipster. Get a haircut, hippy!
“Get a haircut, hippy!”
Get a haircut and get a real job?
Get a haircut, hippy!
Now you sound like Sloopy!
Get a haircut and get a real job?
Like your big brother Bob.
Fine. I’ll do it.
Oh yeah!
Bernice Bobs her hoohah?
Bernie Sanders Leaps into Woodchipper to Reduce Carbon Footprint
Tell me the Babylon Bee doesn’t read Glibs.
This was a topic here just a couple days ago:
Compromise Reached: Trump Will Only Revoke Citizenship Of People Who Talk Loudly On Their Speakerphone In Public
That’s half the population of California. Make California great again!
Nuke it from orbit, it’s the only way to be sure
“Compromise Reached: Trump Will Only Revoke Citizenship Of People Who Talk Loudly On Their Speakerphone In Public”
There went 3/4 of Baltimore’s remaining population.
Dude, the Nextel push-to-talk shit. Back in those days I worked in the mall at a kiosk, and I swear to God every hour on the hour some big dumb galoot would walk past yelling at his significant other HOLDING A GODDAMN PHONE as if she could hear him at the other end of the mall if he talked loud enough. And then she’d respond loud enough for everyone within 100′ to hear clearly. I mean, as clearly as you could expect with the volume distorting the sound through the speaker. So many times I wanted to just walk up and say, “Hey, man, you just hold it to your ear like a regular phone. The whole point of telephones is that you don’t have to yell because the other person has a phone, too.”
Have you ever walked around in Balmer in some of the more sketchy areas? People yelling into their cell phones is the norm. Also, last week I was at one of the local supermarkets and there’s this lady standing on the sidewalk screaming into her phone. I mean screaming at the top of her lungs. I mean all I could think is ‘Do you have any sense of self awareness of any sort of self esteem, because really I don’t think so’. Don’t even get me started on the cell phone zombie walkers. All of them should be hit by a bus.
I lived on Hollins and South Carey for about a year. When people weren’t yelling, “Hey Snowflake!” they were just yelling at each other across the street. I’m not sure I saw anyone who actually owned a cell phone.
They still do that. There’s been many times I’ve been in my office at one of my clients and I hear all this yelling, just to look out the window and see it’s 2 guy who are standing right next to each other. No idea why they are yelling. But having a cell phone doesn’t fix it.
I understand the deal with the Nextel phones was the push to talk transmissions were free, but an actual call would consume minutes.
It was useful for construction workers and delivery operations. For everybody else, it was just obnoxious.
In theory it was a pretty neat idea, because it was much faster than a phone call and occupied the same sort of space as a text message, just using voice. The problem of course is that the kinds of people who lack self-awareness or any sense of polite comportment in public are also the kind of people who love yelling at each other over walkie-talkies in crowds of people.
Can you explain that to my girlfriend? Every time she’s talking on the phone I can hear her from four rooms away.
How about people who watch loud videos on their phone while waiting for their takeout food, can we get rid of them too?
That is tantamount to confirmation. BB lurks among us!!
Now, all that remains to this mystery is figuring out if The Bee is Russian Bots or Tulpa.
He should do it just because it would mean all the other Dem candidates have to jump in as well to try to one up him.
At publishing time, Trump had further confirmed he would revoke the citizenship of everyone who drives slowly in the left lane.
As someone who’s been driving far more than I like, I’d pull the lever right now.
Also, people who drive even slower when the speed limit drops even if they were already driving the same speed.
Someone that works there must lurk around here…
They’re going in big on this Trump hurricane map snafu. The smell of desperation in the morning. It smells like… desperation.
OOOHHH……So, that’s what young SD’s “musk” was!
Damn.
It’s somehow comforting to know that Trump has has taken up residence in all of their heads for this long. He consumes their entire existence. He’s Moby Dick to their Captain Ahab. I guess it makes their derp a little more tolerable knowing how completely miserable they are all of the time because of DT.
Alright, you derelicts–all this alkyhol talk is making me sleepy.
Let’s meet back here in….11 hours, for drinks and giggles.
Good plan. I have homework to do. See you in the PM!
::fist bump for MikeS::
“Alright, you derelicts–all this alkyhol talk is making me sleepy.”
That means drink more.
Confession time:
I have been known to share a bottle of champagne (or two) with the right woman.
Elsewise, wine suxx.
I drink a little wine with my wife sometimes. But you know, confession time, it’s never because I enjoy wine.
I only cuddle with the gf because I think it will lead to, um, lower cuddling.
Fewer cuddling?
I’ve learned through years of experience, that the time they like to cuddle most is after the sex is over. I mean, my wife will get seriously pissed if there is no cuddling after. So it’s like this, you wait until you think they are really relaxed and then you make your escape! Dudes, you know what I’m sayin?
A good red wine is hard to beat. But the hangovers are from hell
I like Cabernet during the winter months.
I never drink enough wine to get a hangover, thank the gawds. But I did once when I was maybe 18-19 and holy shit, you are right about the hangover being hell.
I made it “alternative to gin & tonic in a can”. G&T doesn’t need an alternative.
You can buy G&T in cans.
OT question for Yusef – my upstairs AC crapped out last night. Put gauges to the low/high side service ports and the pressure is equalized across the system. The fan kicks on. Is my compressor shot, yes, no, maybe? What else can I look for before committing to a service call or should I just leave it non-operational and consider this my penance to Gaia?
I mean…it’s obviously the thermostat. Right?
That is the air conditioner isn’t it? – The Wife.
Look for a bad capacitor, any discoloring or swelling, it is shot. New one is about 15 bucks, get back to me
I pulled the old one, and the top is swollen. I can’t get another till Monday morning. Ugh. Xtra cold tall cans to stay cool for the win!
Not something I would be into but I’d try on for the hell of it. I wouldn’t buy a six pack though. Never can tell.
I bought a couple sixes of Truly. Back then I had the delusion that you could actually lose weight by drinking that instead of beer while still being sedentary and eating the same. Didn’t work, of course, and I never liked the taste of the stuff. Beer it is, along with better diet and lots of exercise. Better.
Since we have moved OT, I’ll re-post from the last thread:
Looks like it’s time to replace the water softener. I’ve been reasonably happy with the old school Fleck controls, etc, but have any of You People tried the fancy Kinetico or non-salt types?
Our water is super fucking hard – like 30 gpg.
Did you check the thermostat first?
My parents have a no salt softener, but I can’t remember the specific brand/ model; it works well enough that soap will form suds, but they still have scale build up. Pops prefers it though, since descaling the shower heads once a year is less work than hauling salt bags.
Magnets dude… Magnets….
Are you on muni water?
Yes.
No iron issues and I use an RO for drinking water and ice. Just need to decide whether to update the existing system (possibly just new resin) or get something newer and more efficient.
I have a 3 stage for cooking water. I really really really wish I had put one in behind the fridge for the ice maker.
The 5 stage actually requires a drain, so… maybe next time.
My RO is in the basement with a line running up to the kitchen and then a T to the faucet and fridge. Even traveling a long distance the pressure tank has no trouble keeping up.
Is it true RO? Those require a drain line for brine/wastewater. Drilling into the PVC pipe is easy enough, but I’m not allowed to do home improvement projects anymore.
True RO. Three pre-filters, the RO membrane then polishing filter.
I ran the drain line straight into the floor drain (it’s in my utility room. Easy peasy.
I wasn’t aware you could drink concrete.
Lawn cut/trimmed – check
booze run – check
day old pizza and wings – check
Watching my alma mater lose* to a superior team from a superior league – unattainable because of course it is on espnu and that is not covered by my espn+ sub and I don’t have cable.
*we did win last year though.
Try sportssurge.net
Interesting. Is there any danger to using this?
Don’t think so. You don’t have to register or log in. I think they are the ones taking the risk.
I got the tip from an Oklahoma State U fan site.
Seems to work well. Thanks for the tip!
I’m not looking forward to tonight.
It’s going to be a blowout.
1.5 out of 5? I’m calling bullshit. The millennial is just covering his ass.
No need to get distasteful. I’m covering my ass with pants like everyone else.
Holy crap. To test the Babylon Bee lurks af Glibs theory, I searched BB website for “white claw.”
https://babylonbee.com/news/to-reduce-number-of-obnoxious-guys-in-stores-walmart-to-stop-selling-white-claws
Shows up on their “latest” tab. Posted just yesterday…
Maybe we Glibs are more predictable and derivative than we realize
STEVE SMITH SAY… No, that just proves your point. You know who else was predictable and derivative? Damn it!
Or, Mexican Sharpshooter also writes for the Bee. Hmmm.
The Heath Ledger predicted Gay Doritos.
hahahahaha
To be fair, the dateline for that is yesterday.
Maybe we just share a similar sensibility and sense of humor.
Army 14 to Michigan 7 at halftime.
Go Black Knights!
This is not at all how I saw that game going. 10 out of 10 times I’m taking Michigan to lead the whole game.
Meanwhile, it’s a good time to be a Terp. They are layin’ the wood to Syracuse.
Half time OSU game, asshat Dirty Sanchez still picking UM to win Big 10 East. Lol. The real sports commentator has OSU, PSU, and then UM possibly tied with the Terps as third.
Terps aren’t even ranked and they are spanking Syracuse hard!!
Do you realize how insufferable Sloopy is going to be if Army wins?
Are 50% of his comments going to be correcting typos?
As a Navy fan from Ohio, I’m conflicted.
The positive takeaway is that one team you dislike will lose.
The negative takeaway is that, win or lose, Army played a competitive game against a top ten team, which doesn’t bode well for the Army/Navy game later on.
Worrying point. And we’d been doing so well until the last three years.
On the verge of going up two TDs
Something something unhatched chickens…
If Michigan loses to Army there will be a couple of my co-workers won’t show up at work on Monday.
That’s kind of a harsh penalty for failing to win. Is your company ran by Iraqis or North Koreans?
Via Newsweak (their adblocker blocker cam on before I could copy the link)
A recent advisory from the Centers for Disease Control is warning Americans of the hazards of contact with chickens, including the risk of catching salmonella.
This year alone, the CDC has recorded 1,003 cases of salmonella across the U.S., including two deaths. The agency’s suggestions include always washing your hands with soap and water after touching backyard poultry, not letting chickens inside the house and setting aside a separate pair of shoes to wear while taking care of backyard birds.
The most unusual line in the CDC advisory, though, warns owners not to “kiss backyard poultry or snuggle them and then touch your face or mouth.”
That’s wrong. Kiss and cuddle those chickens to your heart’s content. You’re desperately needed in the Great Beyond.
How could you not want to cuddle this chicken?
I was watching that when my husband entered the room. I turned the phone around so he could see.
His reply was “This is the collapse of American civilization.”
The collapse already happened. That chicken is as talented as the Beatles, and easier to listen to. So you have to push the collapse back at least that far.
This chicken wants to cuddle.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=vX4Jh-44-Nk
Is that Snow?
Holy cow. The fact that it was not a spoof is depressing.
It must suck hard to be that overwrought at all times.
She must get off on her morally pure and superior deep feelz.
She’s just crazy
No; this is Snow.
Thank you.
How could you forget the original?
How about Immigrant Song by a rubber chicken?
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=cZzdYqBf8Mc
Love that cat in the background.
Yeah, that tickled me too.
Just this morning someone playing (?) Pachelbel with a rubber chicken showed up in my you tube feed. Must be one of those YT challenge things.
I’d walk down the aisle to that.
I was sure that you were going to post this:
https://youtu.be/HuiwIFLKa2I?t=43
Democrats Propose Mandatory Free Speech Buyback For Dangerous Ideas
That is gold.
The funniest thing about that, is that there’s no a dem candidate who wouldn’t think it’s a great idea. Seriously.
This is true.
That’s the real reason the left wants to silence Babylon Bee—it’s too close to their truth.
“It’s Old Man Miner Forty-miner!”
https://i0.wp.com/www.powerlineblog.com/ed-assets/2019/09/IMG_2016.jpg?w=660&ssl=1
*guffaw*
An insanely hot brunette just walked by.
Oh to be young again.
The nice thing about being old is that in your mind the young you would score with her. The actually young you otoh…lol.
Take old me brain, put it in young me body, and I would be in all sorts of trouble.
I know right:)
Truer words were never spoken.
Being young and stupid did provide me a lot of interesting stories though. Some good, some not so good. Perhaps an essential part of life?
I probably could have skipped out on being blackout drunk in Bermuda and ending up in the hospital with a massive nosebleed from falling on my face.
Yes
I ran into an incredibly hot brunette wearing spandex work out clothes at the grocery store. She and I crossed paths several times at the store and in the parking lot (she parked next to me).
For the record, the young me knew enough that I would never had any chance with her.
Just realized I’m near Sorority Row and it’s rush week.
I’ve got to go to a sorority reunion in Athens
I’m expecting both high points and low
Fake news
https://www.10tv.com/article/data-says-ohioans-love-white-claw-more-any-us-state-2019-sep
This is the first I’ve heard of this drink.
A) Who would want a “hard seltzer”? Who would think that’s a good idea?
B) Why is it called “White Claw”?
Drew Brees, white supremacist
NFL quarterback Drew Brees is defending himself after he appeared in a video tied to a conservative Christian organization, which sparked a wave of criticism on social media.
The controversy began when the New Orleans Saints star appeared in a promotional video for “Bring Your Bible to School Day” last week.
In the video, which was posted to a YouTube channel named “Bring Your Bible,” Brees said, “One of my favorite verses in the Bible is 2 Corinthians 5:7: ‘For we live by faith, not by sight. So I want to encourage you to live out your faith on Bring Your Bible to School Day and share God’s love with friends. You’re not alone.”
But the initiative is led by Focus on the Family, a Christian non-profit that has condemned homosexuality as a “sin,” called identifying as transgender “a violation of God’s design.”
CNN emailed Focus on the Family for comment but hasn’t heard back.
On Thursday, Brees spoke out to say it was “completely untrue” that he supported the organization.
“I do not support any groups that discriminate or that have their own agendas trying to promote inequality,” he said in a video he tweeted Thursday. He told reporters Thursday he “was not aware” that the group is associated with anti-LGBTQ beliefs.
“Unfortunately there are Christian organizations out there that are involved in that kind of thing, and to me that is totally against what being a Christian is all about,” he said in a locker room interview. “Being a Christian is love. It’s forgiveness. It’s respecting all, it’s accepting all.”
So sad. Children look up to you, man.
CNN is officially worse than Deadspin.
So one of the nicest, most generous men in the NFL has to apologize for his commonly held and traditionally beneficial beliefs.
THIS is the collapse of American/Western civilization.
Ok, but why do you have to rub it in people’s faces?
Has to do with that pesky free speech thing the Democrats want you to sell to the government.
Bullshit.
LET ME TELL YOU WHY YOU’RE GOING TO HELL is just the other side of the LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT WHO I LIKE TO FUCK coin.
I realize that we’re getting close to the time of year when people whine that a Jewish coffee mogul won’t festoon crucifixes on his coffee cups, but no one cares. The triumphalism displayed by both groups is socially obnoxious, and frankly, un-American.
I love to see the 1st Amendment in action.
Here you go, asshole!
Well there’s a religious obligation in some denominations to actively proselytize which can easily veer towards the obnoxious if they get pushy about it. I think Brees is leaning towards the conspicuous display of faith side, maybe the “tell people about Jesus” side rather than the “tell people they’re going to hell” side. I don’t see that as particularly offensive on its face, but neither do I think that “taking the Christ out of Christmas” is even worth remark never mind outrage.
Thriller was on the radio yesterday, and I was thinking how out of place MJ’s disclaimer before the video would be for any current pop artists.
He’s standing up for what he believes in just like Colin Kaepernick.
Principals, not principles.
Sounds like he’s walking it back.
This is CNN. We comb the internet all day looking for h8ers to cancel so you don’t have to.
But when anybody tried to challenge Megan Rapinoe during the women’s world cup, the reaction was basically can’t you just let her play.
If this guy was preaching and handing out Bibles on the field I’d tell him to stuff it same as her and Colin.
No, someone found this video online and deliberately wrote a story about it to shame him. Otherwise it would never have been “news”.
A lot like Tennys Sandgren and Pizzagate. The media will troll through people’s old posts looking for wrongthink, but if it’s stuff the media likes, how dare you criticize the athlete.
I ‘member that. And it was discussed during every match he played for weeks afterwards.
But the initiative is led by Focus on the Family, a Christian non-profit that has condemned homosexuality as a “sin,” called identifying as transgender “a violation of God’s design.”
And? Don’t like Christianity don’t practice Christianity. People can rhetorically advocate for or against any lifestyle they want.
Also, you should see the way muslim theocracies treat homosexuals.
Freedom of religion is only OK if you blow up people who don’t agree with you. Try to keep up.
Yes, but Muslims are lower on the progressive stack, so that’s excused behavior.
All of this crap is purely hypocritical and designed to silence the opposition. It had nothing to do with reality
Well, I hate to break it to the author, but the proscription against homosexual sex comes from the Old Testament and is held by all three Abrahamic faiths, at least those denominations who believe in a literal interpretation of the Bible. And if you want to get REALLY technical, I believe it’s only male homosexuality that’s verboten, so Megan Rapinoe is in the clear.
“And if you want to get REALLY technical, I believe it’s only male homosexuality that’s verboten, so Megan Rapinoe is in the clear.”
I mean, only because us guys want to watch that shit, you know? The patriarchy is real.
LOL. What does an entire generation of sheep look like? Like this!
Baaaaaaahhhhhh
They never told us that after the human struggle for survival was almost over, we would lose our fucking minds. Go figure.
Love. Edit fairy? You still taking calls from lost Glibs?
What, you don’t love your mind?
It’s my second-favorite organ.
Which head is really on top?
What the fuck? I mean I’m crazy, not AB crazy, but crazy.
Alcoholic Beverage crazy? What’s wrong with being drunk?
Anheuser Busch crazy.
Everybody else’s travel is contributing to the problem, but yours is OK because you claim to be virtuous.
Fucking hypocrites.
Et tu, Donald Sutherland? Sigh.
John Stossel interviews an African entrepreneur about regulations keeping Africa poor.
This is just too easy. White man have more cargo. There you go, you white supremacist.
Or, alternative best answer: Did the lion who ate your family have a name?
Stossel is a white supremacist. But at least South Africa are fixing the problem and are on their way to world economic supremacy.
Also, what that dumb niggah talking? Free enterprise is racist! Just ask Bernie… I mean Warren, I mean Beta, I mean… OK, all the dem candidates.
That was a good video. The comments about Tom’s Shoes reminds me of the book “When your helping hurts” about how giving free stuff like eggs it puts the local chicken growers out of business.
Yeah, I watched the video a couple days ago, and that was a particularly cogent point. All respect to the ‘stashel. (and to lip balm lady)
Thanks for the video
Whoosh!
This is CNN. We comb the internet all day looking for h8ers to cancel so you don’t have to.
If you do not loudly denounce the heretics and thought criminals, that means you are one of them.
Keep your struggle sessions to yourself
WAY low!
Did you fold time to come to that pre-conclusion?
For those who asked, this is what FB flashed at me when I shared a BB piece on Global Warming to a group called “Minnesotans for Global Warming!!!”.
About half an hour later, my share showed up. I’m guessing a FB human had to look at it and make a judgment call.
Nah – just a random event. A timer went off, reminding us that it was time to remind a random FB user about our “community standards.”
The language is infuriating. It is essentially a thinly veiled threat, particularly with the “in some cases…” last line so that they imply they will tattle on you to the group admin (in this case that would be the Minnesotans for GW admins, who would high-five me in reality).
I need a place to share with distant friends and family other than FB.
Chain letters, everybody loves those.
This. Love the concept. DESPISE the politics
Since FB makes their money on ads and data mining, they are bad actors.
I’d pay $5 a month for a similar site that didn’t sell me or want to “correct” my thoughts.
It it’s free then YOU are the product being sold.
I saw a link to a satirical website (akin to Babylon Bee), and I got the notice about “this is fake news; it didn’t really happen like that” and there was no option to mark it as satire or “Don’t fucking show me this shit again.”
This message is just for your information. It is not in response to anything you’ve posted, and does not mean we have removed any of your content.
Totally not a warning shot across the bow.
Weird part is that I was unable to select and copy the FB message text. Had to take a screenshot and transcribe.
Almost as if FB doesn’t want us to share that message publicly
Condeleezza says wtf you talkin’ ’bout Willis?
https://youtu.be/_eSxANJhHhg
Excellent. My hubby asked me to send him the link.
Army / Michigan ties at 14, seventeen secs to go. Army has ball, trying to get to FG range.
This is a really good game. Was really hoping that FG would have hooked left a little there. OT rules arent kind to Army’s play style.
Ugh, I know. I’m still pulling for the Black Knights tho
TD Army!
TD Army! Funny to see a bunch of cadets in camo gear jumping around.
Well we lost, but only by two td’s. So it falls within my rules: it ain’t so bad to lose to a technically superior team as long as you don’t get crushed.
Did you try sportssurge.net?
Yes. Commented above. Seems to work alright. Thanks!
It’s BS that college overtime starts the line of scrimmage at the freaking 25 yard line. In the Red Zone!
Start at their own 40 yard line for Pete’s sake.
I hate both NCAA and Pro Football OTs. Just play an extra quarter, under normal rules. It wouldnt even have to be a full 15 minutes. One could do 10 minutes or whatever.
2, 5-min ot’s. Each team gets a shot at offense.
Damn. I can’t stand Harbaugh.
He really is a fucking douche bag.
/’Niners fan
Army lost by a FG. But Im still happy, cause a g-d SERVICE SCHOOL put Harbaugh into 2X OT.
And we all know Tres loves him some 2x’s.
4X or better.
I need a woman that’s too big for Lane Bryant, and gets outfitted by Dayton Siding & Awning.
How’s this?
https://imgur.com/a/tXwv1Y5
(Splosives at her all-time fattest, a few years ago on Kentucky Derby day, hence the hat and mint julep)
I knew it! Damn fine Woman Hayek!
I’m so not clicking that. It’s nekked pics of Lena Dunahm, isn’t it? Or has the resident fembot not learned how to properly Glib yet?
She’s fine, click away, a very lovely Lady
“She’s fine, click away, a very lovely Lady”
Preaching to the choir brah. #DrunkenHornyCompliments4people2
Kinda petite, but “Id hit that so hard she’d have to be buried in a y-shaped coffin”.
How’s that?
My Wife is the older model of Hayek, how’s that!
I already got one, two would be fine however…
Thumbs up! A gal needs role models.
So, Jugsy then?
Tall Cans!
/Well torpedoes.,…
HEY YUFUS!
Standard-sized cans in an hour….but I got a lot of ’em
Many is good, I got a twelver going, yippee!
She’s hot eh?
Amen, brother! And all those West Point dudes aren’t even thinking of NFL. They are going to be deployed to some g-d forsaken land to serve their country. Some will do their time and then enter the civilian workforce and others will be career Army guys.
And they still gave Michigan a good run for their money.
Most. Far too many service school athletes get releases.
“Army lost by a FG”
So, I’m still confused about this foozball. Who got to sacrifice the goat?
You don’t know who the goat is till graduation.
That only happens at the Army/Navy game.
One year, in the run-up to the Army/Navy (West Point/Annapolis) game, the Army managed to kidnap the Navy’s live goat mascot.
They trumpeted it, including T shirts, saying “Army got Navy’s goat!”
The Navy proceeded against all odds that year to destroy Army on the field and immediately came out with T shirts of “Navy Kicked Army’s Ass” showing the Army donkey mascot.
“That only happens at the Army/Navy game.”
Wait… are you saying that either team can play other teams? Because I distinctly got the impression that does not happen, or at least not count if it does happen.
I have to make a public confession. My wife is the best. Great cook, great ass. And she just drove my half drunk ass to buy more beer even though I know she didn’t want to.
I’m a lucky guy.
*OK, honey, you can stop standing looking over my shoulder, see I did it*
Hah! I typed the last part after she went back to the kitchen. I’m no dummy!
That’s all well and good, but the real issue here is why the hell did she need to drive you in the first place? Are you some kind of rookie; running out of beer in the middle of the afternoon? I mean seriously dude. For shame.
“Are you some kind of rookie; running out of beer in the middle of the afternoon? ”
I typically keep my beer fridge full, but what? You some sort of amateur beer drinker?
No, sir. I’m a pro. Never let the beer fridge get lower than enough beer for 2-3 people to get a nice jag.
And the lesbian closet varies somewhere between enough to kill a horse and enough to kill an elephant.
How many lesbians does it take to kill each of those animals? And why are you keeping them in the closet, you big meany?
No kidding…and on a Saturday. I stock up on vices on Friday so we don’t have to leave the house all weekend.
Damn shame about Army. It would’ve been incredible to see them defeat a moneyed top ten team.
Saddens me so much, I went to watch commieball on a local Spanish channel.
Oh for sooth!
Is it time to stage an intervention?
I can stop drinking anytime I want!
Oh, wait…
#metoo
And it’s in English! I don’t know WTF is going on but I don’t want to break the spell so I’m not touching my remote until it’s over.
It might be the SAP function, but yeah, don’t mess with a good thing.
Ooh a new delivery of the green stuff – a nice blend of “indica” and “sativa” effects. No spikiness here.
Also got to spin some records with an old friend.
So… stuffed.
Visited six farms, five of which made cheese, one makes cider. But they also were grilling sausages, frying donuts to order, deep-frying cheese curds, and making sandwiches out of pretty much any kind of preserved meat you can make out of farm animal. I brought home a cappicolo along with lots of cheese and three packages of cider (some in cans, one in a bottle.)
Highlight of the day was a lesbian goat farmer striking up a conversation with me because she like my Subaru.
Driving back I saw all sorts of interesting things like the Battle Hill Brewpub with their slogan “Our Food is a Musket.” And there is an enormous Gothic prison outside of Ft. Ann, directly across from the main gate of which is an Italian restaurant. I was so tempted.
Best cheeses were from these guys: http://www.considerbardwellfarm.com
Cider was from these guys: https://www.slyboro.com
How many lesbian goats does she have?
And here I thought ‘fainting goats’ were a novelty….
Only Welsh rug munchers own Lebanese goats.
I think they all are situationally at least, since she sells off the males for cabrito.
Here’s her blog https://www.moxieridgefarm.com/blog
And her goat cheeses are really quite good. I brought home a tomme and a cream cheese that is almost mascarpone.
I keep thinking that STEVE SMITH is going to show up and post an article soon. Maybe The Bee will have their own STEVE SMITH article soon enough.
Rapesquatches don’t really seem to be their idiom.
Don’t tempt fate.
I can see them working a Sasquatch-Calvinist article
The thing I like about BB is they can make fun of people, while still treating them like they’re human.
https://babylonbee.com/news/libertarian-screams-detained-everyone-shakes-hand-church-greeting-time
Where the libertarian is a paranoid kook, but still participates in the potluck and gives his tithe.
That’s spectacular! I won’t spoil it, but how he tithes seals the deal!
With weed and/or coke ?
The “Bee” usually doesn’t disappoint.
Just this headline made me LOL.
“Millions Announce Newfound Faith In God As Nicki Minaj Retires From Music”
Just because you are paranoid doesn’t mean they aren’t after you. What was that earlier about govt demanding a customer list for the scope app?
It’s SAMSQUANCH.
Oh, oh. I’m watching to see if Serena cracks or pulls a stunt. Her body language seems to indicate some pending Hulk moment.
Forgot that was on.
Oh, look at that score. Interesting….
She is such a horrible sportsman. What’s with the sulking?
Didn’t she just have a kid?
And?
She’s carrying some extra lbs.
I’m just annoyed with her tiresome drama antics.
Two years ago.
Then she needs to lay off the cheeseburgers.
Looks like the headline is going to be “Canadian athlete doesn’t fail”. :-p
She’s looking like she wants to.
All of a sudden….crack.
Yeah for once in tennis anyway.
But like Basketball Canada, Tennis Canada got its act together. The Juniors have been doing very well for quite a while and Andrescu is just a product of a system that pours money into it now.
She showed a lot of guts for a 19 year-old.
Good for her.
She apologized for beating Serena on U.S. soil.
Aaaandd once again the Canadian politeness comes out.
I came to a conclusion that I’m rooting for Serena.
Poor Serena. Just when an incredible comeback seemed possible.
Antonio Brown just signed with the Patriots.
No.Fucking.Way…
One year, $15M, nine of it guaranteed.
Typical ‘prove it’ Pats contract.
They’re the masters.
Probably one of the few teams with a player/coach that can tell Brown, winners don’t do that.
And one of the few that can cut Brown without hurting the team too much.
Too much? They were favourites without him.
They can cut him without hurting them. It’s a sweet gamble.
Saw that.
LOL.
That team.
OMFG, that guy is the gift that keeps on giving.
For some reason I suddenly think Antonio Brown was underappreciated by the Raiders.
Okay, not really. AB apparently wants a ring before he retires and it’s a low risk move if he goes all headcase again.
Shit. Off by two weeks.
I honestly thought they’d let things die down a little.
They obviously had this pegged for a few days.
The law is the law, while drinking the claw or naw.
Antonio Brown just signed with the Patriots.
How much do they owe the Raiders?
Ick. I used to like Arrogant Bastard.
Good day at the range today – tried 4 different types of .45 through the P220. I think on the whole I got the best results from Fenix and Winchester (better than Remington and Fiocchi)….but this may not have been the most scientific test – since I was basically putting 50 rds of each through a 12 ft handgun training target (the kind that tells you how to adjust your aim depending on placement) – so by the end I was getting better at aiming than the first couple of rounds…ah well. It was fun either way – I’ll keep bargain shopping for stuff regardless. Followed that up by renting an 870 to refamiliarize myself with the operation – and put 20 slugs downrange to the max 75ft targets. Sounds like I’ll be able to take my AR there to zero it out – will probably need to use a seated/supported stance though (anyone have links/tips – they’d be appreciated – I’ve only done it in the prone – although they do have seats/rests/targets available).
The guy at the counter mentioned something that sounded vaguely familiar – that Remington’s QC has gone downhill the last few years on their new models – specifically for 870 since they began acquiring a bunch of smaller companies. Not sure where I’d heard that in the last few months…but yeah…sold me on getting the Mossberg 500 instead.
Stopped at a new local place closer to home (owner just opened it as a side business – he’s also in the same building as me during the day) – ordered https://www.classicfirearms.com/mossberg-50778-590-pump-12ga/ and https://www.classicfirearms.com/smith-and-wesson-mp15-spt2-556-nato-30rd-black-10202/ (promo kit version) – he was able to order direct from another place so I didn’t even need to deal with the FFL stuff this time.
Another thing I’ll need in the short term I think – since I’ll probably stop at 3 for the moment – is a lockable hard case that can hold both an AR and a shotgun – and preferably a handgun as well – for storage/transportation/etc. Might look for a surplus pelican, but I don’t recall our armory ones being really lockable…might just be me. Suggestions?
I hate to say this, but ammo accuracy testing needs to be done with a rest.. so you are a minimal part of the equation. Once you see that the ammo prints a closer group than you do… it doesn’t matter..
for sighting you need a rest.. even the cheapest, fore stock and rear rest will do, you aren’t in competition.
I have something like this for field work.
https://www.walmart.com/ip/Birchwood-Casey-Nest-Rest-2-Piece-Shooting-Rest/381655617
For a pistol? I know it probably doesn’t matter as much and I need to do it at a longer range – was definitely worth the time though. For the zeroing, the range said they have stands/rests I can use – more concerned with doing that – haven’t zeroed an AR/M-4 in years.
Some derp, and a practice post to see if I can remember how to do html tags:
“People Are Homeless Because of the Failure of Our Capitalist Economy”
[anguished Zoidberg groan]
***
My view is that people are homeless because of the complete and utter failure of our capitalist economy. Or maybe not failure. People are making money off of people being priced out and being denied services and eventually living on the street. Maybe it’s working exactly as it’s supposed to.
***
[Kiff sigh]
aw nuts, forgot the spaces
“People Are Homeless Because of the Failure of Our Capitalist Economy”
OK, bus- do your stuff!
LOL when you’re too unhinged for San Francisco Democrats.
The vast majority of homeless people are homeless because they are dysfunctional mentally ill. Drugs is no small part of the equation but every case is different. Some use drugs in an attempt to self medicate some go off of the rails from the drugs. In both cases the drugs make things worse. Worse still are the pinko policies encouraging living on he street and encouraging drug use.
What a fucking shit show.
Also mentally ill- the
homeless“unhoused” activists pushing normalization of sleeping on the streetsTrue. I made note a few years ago that if you track down the personal blogs of nearly any pinko activist, commenter, etc somewhere in that blog they will say two things: 1. We must destroy capitalism and 2. I am mentally ill/emotionally unbalanced etc.