Recorded from Durham University institute for Computational Cosmology—March 2018
“This is absolutely amazing.” Kegerreirris exclaimed.
He raced through the lab shouting happily as he finally found evidence to support his theory of Uranus.
”Cue the Ron Paul GIF. ITS HAPPENING!”
He continued running and slapped an unsuspecting graduate student in her supple behind. Recognizing his mistake, he quickly to found a male grad student and slapped his behind as well.
”What are you doing professor?” The female grad student asked incredulously.
“Um…Never mind that! I finally solved the riddle to Uranus!” Kegerreirris shouted. Echoing through the crowded hallway.
“My what?” The female grad student asked.
“Uranus!” Kegerreirris replied.
”Her’s may be, but there is no riddle with mine.” The male grad student said. Writing his Twitter handle on Kegerreirris‘ hand.
”You best be very careful about what you say next, professor.” The female grad student said, while clutching the electronic #metoo alert hanging from a chain around her neck.
“We performed a series of hydrodynamic simulations from a deep impact to Uranus. The data suggests the impact to Uranus is the reason Uranus tumbles instead of rotate.” Kegerreirris explained.
”It doesn’t tumble you sicko!” The female grad student began to hit the #metoo alert around her neck furiously. “You all saw what this member of the patriarchy did!”
“No seriously. A deep impact on Uranus is the reason it has such an unusual movement. None like any other body in the solar system. I have a graphic here on my phone. See?”
She began hitting the button on the #metoo alert as fast as she could.
”Alright I think we’ve all seen enough.” A man in a cheap suit walked out from a shadowy corner of the lab. He had a slightly tallow tint to the baggy skin hanging around his neck. Smoking a cigarette in one hand. “Nothing here happened. You didn’t see anything in the simulations, that guy didn’t just flirt with you, and this guy didn’t walk up and slap your fat ass.”
”Of course he did. He did it in front of everyone. He was about to rape me!” The female grad student began shouting over the cigarette smoking man.
”Okay, you need to slow your roll there, sugar tits. The only thing that got raped was Uranus.” He began again.
”Exactly! He wanted to—“
The pudgy, cigarette smoking man reached into his sweaty jacket and pulled out a TASER and stuck the prongs into her thigh.
She stopped yelling.
”You know, they say Kegelciser—“
“Kegerreirris. Dr. Kegerreirris.”
”I don’t like that name. You’re now Dr. Kegelciser unless you fail to keep this quiet. Now as I was saying. They say you need to aim for the a large muscle group. Its always the chunky ones that make it difficult to determine that. Is the thigh meaty, flabby, a bit of both—mmmm.” He took a long drag of the cigarette and put it out on the laboratory floor. “You are going to do something for me. You see your research comes dangerously close to something we’ve been tracking for a long time. You found evidence it can rape planet sized objects. We need you to keep this quiet or I am going to have to take you back to the National Archives with sugar tits over here. Capice?”
”So what do I say happened to Uranus?” Kegerreirris asked.
”The world cannot know of the truth behind SPACE SMITH. Just say it was a rock or something.”
End Recoding ring
Comments
151 responses to “We Interrupt this Transmission”
In space, no one can hear you not consent.
Hopefully space doesn’t have an extradition treaty with Michigan, because i just died while reading this.
The link to hydrodynamic simulations of a deep impact to Uranus was a lot more clean than I expected.
No way HM wrote this article.
IT SPACE SMITH!
Uranus was twerking away like mad. Begging for it!
OT: In the links I asked for help determining a Bavarian army rank listed in a hand written personel document. Here is a link to the screen grab. Hope this helps. On second thought it might just be written in Kurrent not a mix. It is abreviated as all the other ranks are.
http://imgur.com/a/N3O5wY1
I am not sure of any of these letters
I think “Trmb.” but I’m not 100% certain of the 2nd letter.
That’s what I’m seeing
Need a more complete look – can you zoom out and show what else is around that?
Agreed – need to see how the other ranks and names are spelled.
Trumbet player?
*narrows gaze*
Maybe tambourine. I need another look (it’s gone) but that “r” might be an “a”.
That could actually refer to a drummer.
In a more serious note, check out this link
https://typography.guru/journal/kurrent%E2%80%94500-years-of-german-handwriting-r38/
which has German writing circa 1900.
e and r and u are a little different than one would expect
blackletter I can deal with.
Well done
I realize that sometimes I parse the letters from recognizing the word. Without some Herman, that would be tough.
Coool – will need to dig into that later.
Back in the day I saw a lot of Germans still putting a stroke over the “u” because otherwise it’s the same as “n”.
Another fun fact: the umlaut dots derive from placing that weird “e” on top of “a”, “o”, or “u”.
I got a 404.
Better Kurrent than Sütterlin.
I think piece this requires an incorrect pronunciation of Uranus
What you do with yeranus might be considered TMI.
It will be easier to interrupt transmissions when the FCC shuts down tomorrow.
I’m gonna call into my local radio station and drop an F bomb on air.
The airwaves will be awash in expletives!
Hardcore porn will be shown on public TV! (remembers fondly Seattle’s public Access TV in the 1990’s)
Executions will be televised!
“remembers fondly Seattle’s public Access TV in the 1990’s”
Gawd, that sounds awful. Did they have Eddie Vedder on?
NYC Public Access was a trip as well. Every brand of nuttery and plenty of the prOn.
Someone hacked Switzy’s account.
And that’s an actual news channel.
Indeed – the nuttery has never left….it simply moved over a few channels.
It was eye opening to a shy farm boy like me who grew up with 2 black and white TV channels. There was a young lady named Shannon who would get naked in order to mourn Kurt Cobain’s suicide. There was a homeless dude who would paint on naked girls. There was hardcore porn. I watched a guy get the head of his penis pierced (I believe that is called a Prince Albert) without anesthesia. It was like a train wreck – you couldn’t look away.
https://medium.com/dose/in-the-90s-people-had-sex-on-public-access-tv-509c5cef6817
REAL SMITH NEVER INTERRUPT TRANSMISSIONS. OR EMISSIONS.
SPACE SMITH SPACE TRUCKIN ROUND THE SUN. BY TRUCKIN MEAN RAPE.
Needz moar sugartits. We can never have too much sugartits. Why do you think we’ve never had another Einstein level thinker in over half a century and have not been out of low earth orbit? The lack of the use of sugartits and slapping of tushies has restricted the male creative energies. Why, back when Einstein worked in the patent office, there was a young female co-worker with a fat arse and Einstein would call her sugartits and slap her ass at least twice an hour. When that happened, all the aspiring male shitlords in the office would burst into laughter and high five each other. This is how Einstein got so smart, on pure shitlord energy. We need a return to those glory days.
I’ve been doing my part. Problem is Mrs. Animal slaps back.
That doesn’t bother me at all, much to the wife’s annoyance.
One man’s vice is another man’s kink?
Except for hair brushes, that’s where I draw the line. That shit hurts!
The Mistress will not be pleased?
Problem is Mrs. Animal slaps back.
What, is she slapping you in your junk? Otherwise, what is this “problem” of which you speak?
On December 25, 1871, at the age of twenty-four, Thomas Edison married 16-year-old Mary Stilwell (1855–1884), whom he had met two months earlier; she was an employee at one of his shops.
Holy #metoo, Batman!
Eat your heart our Roy Moore.
You know who else supposedly established their presence on a heavenly body?
Heaven’s Gate?
That reminds me of something. The March 1997 New Era (LDS magazine for youth) was an issue dedicated to our temples. It included this Mormonad. The issue had obviously been in production long before Applewhites’ cult went to Hale-Bopp, but the timing struck me as amusing.
Billy Joel?
up town girl
Apollo 11 ?
David Copperfield?
Looks like the dems have found their newest Republican hero. It’s Mittens, he’s back. He’s joining the resistance.
His niece told him to STFU.
“suck the fuck up”?
I’m not sure who’s most butthurt, Hillary or Mittens. I would have thought it would be Jeb, but apparently Jeb is a tough hombre compared to fragile Mittens.
I still stand by the claim that not even Jeb wanted Jeb to run.
Just clearing the path for George P.
First Latin@ President! IT’S HIS TIME!!!!
Jeb, to mirror: “Please stop.”
Jeb is too bland to be butthurt. Butthurt is an emotional state.
“Please clap”
“Put down the bottle of valium and step away, Jeb”
“I’ll do it, I swear! I’ve been cyber bullied! By 8 year olds!”
“Give me Jeb’s law, or I’ll do it!”
Ugh. Sen. Carpetbagger.
His article is basically an announcement that he’ll primary Trump in 2020. Good luck with that Judas, I mean Mitt.
Of course you are right. It may clear the field of other crypto-Dems, though.
Trump’s primary chances depend largely on what the economy does this year, just as his re-election chances depend largely on how the economy looks next year. I believe an unending shitshow of TDS in the House will help him, some, but if we have a major recession between now and November 2020, I think Trump is probably not going to be re-elected. If we have a minor recession and good recovery, or no recession, I like his chances.
I am hoping Rand Paul will run in the primary.
The fact that he has been willing to work with Trump shouldn’t stop that.
No way it’s happening. We might see Rand again in 2024.
It will be Trump against Bernie. Bernie will get liewatha as running mate. Trump will win by a greater electoral margin than he did against Hillary.
I don’t think Bernie makes it. The young ‘uns want somebody younger, and now they’ve got a broader selection of commies to choose from.
At this point, my money is on Harris. She punches the intersectionality buttons, and that’s what the Dems are all about now – tribalism. Plus, they will be betting on more of that Obama magic, with a younger, reasonably attractive black person at the head of the ticket.
But, its still early days. Many gaffes await, it will be a very crowded field, etc.
Harris isn’t likable. Her personality is more abrasive than Hillary. It would be BETA, way before her. Progs do not really care about race, that’s all fake. And we are talking about what the party elites want vs what voters want. Voters are still not over Bernie getting fucked over and I don’t think the attempt to present Beta as the cool new socialist dude, will work. They want a real commie and by god, Bernie is the real deal.
Harris, Booker, and Beta are out before it even starts. Liewatha won’t last long either. That leaves Biden and Bernie, and the progs and millennials are going to want Grandpa Gulag.
I could see that happening if Trump’s position weakens (as RC says above, it’s all about the economy) but the smart move is not primarying him if it doesn’t. He actually seems to have a good bit of influence with Trump and it’d be a shame to see that squandered if Trump wins again. Paul would be better able to further his agenda if he stays in The Orange One’s good graces.
See, the thing is, I don’t think it would bother Trump if Paul ran against him. That is just business. Then if Trump wins again, Paul could go right back to doing what he is doing now, working with Trump on some things, criticizing him on others.
The fact that he has been willing to work with Trump shouldn’t stop that.
Nah. He has no reason to. The Washington Post assures us that he’s secretly the Svengali behind all of Trump’s decisions. Though I must say that putting out the whole “Russian influence” canard was an inspired way to throw the media off track.
Nah. It’ll be Mittens/McMuffin 2020.
In re: “Why do you think we’ve never had another Einstein level thinker in over half …”
RIP Bob Einstein, aka Super Dave Osborne
Norman Einstein?
Top drawer!
Woah, he is Albert Brooks’ older brother.
That is a talented family, those Einsteins.
Damn. RIP Super Dave.
How long until SJWs try to get Uranus’ name changed?
To Heranus?
Xerhole damn it
Xibinaryorifice
Cisanus.
It’ll be changed in 2620 to Urectum.
Poopiter is still available.
Seriously trying not to bust a gut here.
Neptooter?
Backhole?
As long as Neptune becomes Fronthole.
I’m a traditionalist, Venus has dibs on fronthole
You just want to be able to consider us part of the Taint Formation.
Languages with a proper glottal stop before words that begin with a vowel don’t have this vexing problem. But nooooo, they sound “ugly” and “harsh”. Bah!
You know who else supposedly established their presence on a heavenly body?
Sean Penn?
*weeps softly*
It just gets worse….RIP Mean Gene
https://www.wwe.com/article/mean-gene-okerlund-passes-away
That’s sad. The guy was the best at being shocked or indignant when wrestlers said or did crazy stuff.
Clickbait Alert
And that is how clickbait is done in the age of Trump.
How original.
Jesus Fucking Christ, they’ll publish anything if it fits the narrative, won’t they?
They think it fits a narrative.
People with brains see this and conclude “Alan J. Steinberg is a butthurt bureaucrat and begs Newsweek to advertise it.”
Served as an advisor? I doubt W could pick the guy out of a lineup.
Speaking of astronomy
New Horizons discovered two big rocks stuck together
http://www.astronomy.com/news/2019/01/ultima-thule-the-cosmic-snowman
Contact binary objects are the “me love you long time” Space Smith affections. And by affections I mean……
Trump’s primary chances depend largely on what the economy does this year, just as his re-election chances depend largely on how the economy looks next year.
And, of course, the people who have done nothing but vilify and slander the dreaded 1% will suddenly adopt them as “victims” of Trump’s depraved economic policies, as they conflate the market bubble correction with “the economy”.
I think the economy is headed for a collapse in the near future. Fed interest rates are rising as the Fed tries to clear some of its balance sheet. A hard and necessary market correction is long long overdue. The original recession of 2008 has been artificially covered for for more than a decade. Bad times are a coming.
Also, trump is toast when the economy crashes under up. Unbridled capatalism with no regulatory framework and low taxes will be blamed and 2020 will bring us a blue house and Senate with president socialist ar the helm to right the right the economic ship.
At that point, we are all fucked.
At that point, we are all fucked.
At least it will be an egalitarian fucking.
I crack myself up.
Say, you are cheerfully optimistic today!
I’m not as all gloom and doom on the economy. Yes, I know how much our media and dem leaders would love to see some sort of collapse. I don’t see it happening. It limped along under Obama for 8 years and survived. I’m also optimistic about the corporate tax cuts helping a lot over the next couple of years. Democrats can’t pass anything, GOP likely cannot either. So it’s all gridlocked down and I’m not worried much.
There is something like 4 trillion dollars worth of assets that the Fed has gobbled up in the past 10 years in order to keep prices on those asset classes artificially high. The fed is starting to sell that stuff off. That’s 4 trillion dollars worth of assets being put back into the economy. That is going to hurt the markets tremendously.
Back when the recession hit in 2008, instead of allowing the bubbles to pop and letting the chips fall where they may, the fed artificially inflated market prices by buying up all these assets and keeping interest rates at near zero. They continued to do this for a decade.
All that fed policy is starting to unwind. (It has to at some point) interest rates are rising and assets are being sold. The market correction that should have happened in 2009 is coming.
would traders do that to themselves? they have to know by now that accountability comes via public lynching.
Yes they would. Many of them support Schumer, because they don’t think he’ll actually do the shit he says he supports and they pay his bills so they might be right. Also, nobody go lynched during Occupy Wall Street, nobody but Ponzi-master Madoff went to jail over the financial meltdown in 2008, and only about 3 outright fraudsters did the perp walk in 2001.
I view market corrections as analogous to geysers blowing. Much like a geyser, the economy builds up excess “energy” (e.g. poor resource allocation) and once that energy hits a tipping point, thar she blows!
The extremely tepid recovery after ’08 resulted in the energy building up more slowly than usual (8 year cycle), but we’re seeing the minor earthquakes and steam releases that signal an impending recession. I think the tax cuts were like drilling a vent hole into the geyser, it released some of the energy and prolonged the recession even longer.
He should focus on doing everything he can to reduce the federal burden on companies in hopes of staving off the next recession until after the election.
While I agree that a recession is in the works, the fundamentals of the credit market are driving it, not stocks.
The big hedge fund guys are able to manipulate in minor ways that influence the markets, but cannot fundamentally control the direction of it. $7.5T in commercial paper is what is causing the problems right now and that is the long term result of the Fed’s long term policies going back decades. Trump may get to hold the bag, but it isn’t going to be his fault any more than the next massacre in the ME, it’s baked in.
I agree that it’s the credit market that is the problem. We have had too much easy money for too many years. It also has nothing to do with trump, but like you said, hes going to be holding the bag. And his economic policies are going to be what’s blamed, specifically the tax cuts and reduced regulation because that’s what the state wants us to believe is the problem.
Not the real problem:
Fiat currency and a central bank
That’s 4 trillion dollars worth of assets being put back into the economy.
I need to think on this and get my ledgers straight. If the Fed buys federal bonds denominated in fiat dollars, I’m not sure how the unwinding moves assets into the general market. IOW, where did the Fed’s “money” come from that they could miraculously “buy” bonds in an amount of a fourth of GDP.
It’s not over my head; I just wasn’t paying that much attention to the Triumvirate at the time because it doesn’t matter and I can’t stop it. In the back of my mind I just thought: smoke and mirrors and fancy props and nuclear jawboning when, behind the curtain, all they really can do is print up some more liquidity.
It’s not bonds they were buying. The fed was buying troubled assets. Lots of mortgage backed securities and other assets that were tanking.
The fed created the money out of whole cloth to buy the assets.
Geek squared
Last week I built a new computer to replace my aging desktop and for various reasons decided to go full time Linux. A hard row to hoe for someone that plays games that are only available on Windows.
Fortunately, recent advances in geek technology have made it possible to get equivalent windows gaming performance for any game, without having to turn Linux off and boot into Windows.
Unfortunately, its not so easy as it at first seems. I’m on my 5th distribution (currently Arch Linux) because every other distro I’ve tried has some parts right, but other parts not quite right.
Oddly enough its getting sound working that has been the biggest hangup.
I know its possible as I’ve seen multiple videos of people doing it. Their geek powers are mightier than mine apparently.
A week later, I almost wish I’d just bought another copy of windows and ran Linux in VMs on the days I want to play computer geek.
Audio has always been a bitch to get right, even back in the day of the Soundblaster cards or the AdLib cards. I am so happy we moved beyond needing a separate boot disk for certain games because of memory restrictions: HIMEM.
I did just have to help the girlfriend troubleshoot her computer crashing when she tried to game. The fan on her graphics card had died, and she picked out a new one that had two fans, thinking that was better even after the multiple times I mentioned it was just an additional point of failure.
Multiple points of failure, redundancy, what’s the difference?
/IT Management
IS the power supply enough to handle a video card? That’s a common issue, I run 600 watt PS now for just that reason
Depending on the GPU, but everything is more power efficient these days. I’m running a 1080ti, which is a pretty monster card, with a 1000W power supply. I don’t think my PS is anyway near to melting down, yet.
I went to 850 when my 600 fried because of the new video card.
They are power hogs.
The R9 390 I got pulled more than the 2 card SLI set up I’d run previously.
Yeah, the PS she had was more then sufficient. The fan on the vid card had stopped spinning, so running anything that required any 3D rendering would cause the video card to overheat, and then cause a fault to crash the machine. The new one doesn’t even need the additional power hookup the old one did. I’ve got to say the plateau in video cards due to crypto miners was a huge boon for me. I’m still running on my build from 2015 and able to run most games in Ultra or High graphics quality.
The difficulty is getting the audio out of the Windows VM and back into Linux. Either it doesn’t work at all, or it works but sounds crackly or sometimes a reverberation.
In a pinch I can just pass the audio device for my headphones to the Windows VM, but I’d rather not do that as control of the device doesn’t return to linux once the VM has been shut down.
You didn’t bust out your heat gun and build her a custom waterblock?
Watercooling looks really cool, but it’s a lot of work for I’m not sure what real benefit.
Water cooling of CPUs at least is easy these days.
Self contained, closed loop, and no maintenance. The fan and radiator simply mount right to your case.
A mere $50 and up depending on how large a radiator you want. Not too much more than a good air and heat sink system.
It used to be a PITA of course.
I used to run a little aquarium pump, a car’s heater core. Made moving the system a pain because the reservoir was outside the computer.
GPUs are a bit more work since you have to remove the manufacturers cooling system first. Needless to say, I don’t bother with that.
“My impression is that the fancy-pants liquid cooling systems that you have to assemble yourself are mainly of use to people who benchmark as a thing.”
Hobbyists. If you have a good GPU, you don’t need to overclock. I can get 50-60 FPS on AC Odyssey with all the graphic settings maxed at 3440×1440. You aren’t getting much more than that no matter if you have 4 Titan Vs running in SLI. Cranking up your hardware to the max it can tolerate without melting just to get a little more benchmark speed is just silly to me, but if that’s what someone is into.
I guess it’s like “tuners” who screw with engines to squeeze the last possible bit of horsepower out of them just to see if they can rather than modify the entire car to make it better at a particular race format.
Tom’s Hardware did some cooling tests back in the day. Including water cooling, making a water proof case and filling it with distilled water, making a water proof case and filling it with cooking oil, and a couple of others (I seem to remember a wall mounted PC, where the individual components were mounted to the wall and open to the air).
Neat video, but I really want to give these boys wedgies.
My impression is that the fancy-pants liquid cooling systems that you have to assemble yourself are mainly of use to people who benchmark as a thing. If you’re just running stock you don’t need more than fans, and if you’re overclocking you can get some off-the-shelf cooling that will handle most of what you can do on a casual basis.
Looks like does some testing and comparisons at the end. Not enough of a computer person to really be able to evaluate what the benefit is, but it looks like there’s a difference.
That’s about where I am. Sure, it’s a little quieter, but if a fan breaks, I can just replace it. If a water cooling system breaks, then I may have to replace the whole system (and be concerned about water + electronics).
If you spring a leak, that’s going to really suck, I suppose.
I assumed that the real benefit of liquid cooling is the potential for spectacular youtube failure videos when the thing springs a leak and coats the rest of your components in toxic neon goo.
I recently bought a new mobo and processor, so of course Windows 10 decided that I didn’t own a seat license anymore and invalidated itself. I got a different license for free through the university, but now it doesn’t recognize network storage as a mountable drive. Apparently that’s a “professional” feature, not an “educational” feature. Anyway, I once again considered dumping Windows for a pure Linux machine, but the game bit hung me up. Also there are a few non-game things I use that don’t run on Linux, unfortunately, so I wind up in Windows 99% of the time.
Look into this
https://wiki.archlinux.org/index.php/PCI_passthrough_via_OVMF
Its the method I’m working towards. It does require a windows license, but luckily I have a few of those laying around for Win 7
Since its just gaming and nothing else will ever be installed, I don’t care if its old, and about to lose MS support.
But you’d probably want to run Arch, or be confident enough to compile newer versions of QEMU/OVMF since Ubuntu/Mint are way behind on those two.
Jesus Fucking Christ, they’ll publish anything if it fits the narrative, won’t they?
Newsweek is a two dollar whore who got sold for half off. What did you expect?
Hrmm… The Mesopotamians had a cure for judicial activism…
I wish I could trust our culture to not abuse the hell out of that.
What if we bought food like we buy healthcare?
https://fee.org/articles/imagine-if-we-paid-for-food-like-we-do-healthcare/
What sort of fuckwit does it take to even come up with something like that? Is there anything we are just capable of doing without the government getting involved in it?
Uhh, I think he’s making a point about how fucked up our health care finance system is. I have to admit, “the Affordable Sustenance Act (aka ObamaFood)” got a chuckle out of me.
I just got off the phone with the office for a surgeon that my wife is going to see this spring. I’m paying cash for the operation because they don’t accept any of the Ofuckicare options. The accounting person had nothing nice to say about that crap.
I wasn’t arguing that point, just saying, when I hear something like that, I know someone is taking it seriously.
Not a bad piece of work at all, but I don’t think he’s going to reach anyone who doesn’t already get it. Would have made an interesting “Ted talk” type of video.
Nice, but FEE preaches to the choir I fear.
That’s a terrific article, and the comments are a pleasant supplement.
If I bought food like I do health care, my kids and wife would be pretty skinny and I would have starved to death years ago.
What if we bought food like we buy healthcare?
Whycome GEICO no buy me tires n wiper fluid?
OT: For those of us who still bitterly cling to Reason in hopes of better times, anyone here following the Patreon debacle?
If so, what are your thoughts on the probably collusion with the payment processors and other groups much higher on the food chain?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hOzNj-nfKBE